Mediation and Divorce Blog - Equitable Mediation Services

Going through a divorce or legal separation is a complicated and overwhelming ordeal.

So if you’ve made the decision to divorce or are facing divorce proceedings because your spouse has stated their intention to end the marriage, you might be wondering what first steps you should take to get through this difficult process as quickly and amicably as you can.

Knowing that steps taken up-front can make the entire divorce process more peaceful, fair and drama-free, we asked 52 experts (in addition to Joe and me) to reveal their best and most insightful tips on preparing for divorce with simple, actionable tips.

We also asked a number of former clients who are now divorced what, if anything, they would have done differently to make their divorce more peaceful, fair, cost-effective and/or easier on their kids. And what divorce advice they have for others getting ready to start the divorce process with children.

I hope you find all of the following insights helpful during your own divorce preparation!

Years ago, when I was in the middle of a divorce, I remembered thinking I'd never be happy again.

My life was in such turmoil and I was so consumed by sadness and anger that I couldn't imagine any future where I would be over my bad marriage or divorce, let alone be able to learn, heal, grow and move on.

If you are preparing to start the divorce process or are currently in the midst of your own divorce, you can probably relate!

But I want you to know that there is a such thing as a positive divorce.

There are many reasons that lead a couple to seek a marriage counselor. They could be experiencing a lot of prolonged conflict or other problems between them, one or both might have been unfaithful or there could just be silence between them.

But no matter the reason(s), when a couple does finally go to see a couples counselor, they’re often at a stage where it’s their very last hope.

Marriage counseling sessions can help a couple address the issues they’re facing now and also lay a foundation to help them better deal with future issues.

And while sometimes, one spouse already knows they want to divorce and they’re bringing the counselor on board to help soften the blow, most go to counseling because they truly want to try to work things out and save the marriage.

But does marriage counseling work? How long should a couple invest in marital counseling?

And what are some signs to indicate that their relationship is getting back on track? Or signs to indicate it might be time to throw in the towel and call it quits?

By the way, I know first-hand that marital counseling shouldn't only be considered successful if the marriage can be repaired. Because it can also be successful if it helps a couple recognize they’re not in a healthy relationship and then gives them the encouragement they need to focus on a respectful divorce using mediation.

I asked a panel of respected therapists how to know if marriage counseling is working. Here’s what they said…