Creating Parenting Plans That Last: The Mediation Advantage for Families

Going through a divorce is challenging enough. But when children are involved, the complexity and emotional stakes increase significantly. Creating a parenting plan—a detailed roadmap for how you’ll co-parent after divorce—might feel overwhelming at first, but it’s one of the most important steps you can take to provide stability for your children during this transition.

While every family’s situation is unique, understanding the key elements of a comprehensive parenting plan can help you navigate this process more confidently and – when working with your chosen divorce professional – create an arrangement that truly serves your children’s best interests.

A parenting plan outlines how you and your former spouse will effectively co-parent, sharing responsibilities for your child’s care and upbringing after the divorce is finalized.

A parenting plan is required in all divorce actions involving minor children. Yes, even if you have teenagers…

There are also no “cookie cutter” formulas for how to create a parenting plan that will work best for your children and family.

And even if you and your spouse think you have your parenting plan all figured out, in reality, you may have left a lot out because you simply “don’t know what you don’t know.”

To illustrate just how much detail needs to go into sound parenting agreements, take this example regarding the Christmas holiday:

Mark and Lisa are divorcing and have two children, ages 6 and 4. Throughout all the years they’ve been married, they traditionally celebrated Christmas Eve with Mark’s family and Christmas Day with Lisa’s family. They decided that after the divorce, Mark will get the kids every Christmas Eve and Lisa will get them every Christmas Day.

But many parents of young children believe that one of the joys of the Christmas holiday is the morning of December 25th when their kids wake up excitedly to see what Santa brought them. Given that Mark has the kids Christmas Eve and Lisa Christmas Day, where do the kids wake up on Christmas morning?

The kids’ bedtime is 7pm. So Mark feels they should sleep over at his house and he’ll bring them to Lisa’s place after breakfast on Christmas Day. But Lisa feels that since Christmas Day is her day with the kids, they should wake up at her house.

More details are needed in order to avoid problems. And there’s no family law that states when Christmas Day begins.

“We’ll just figure it out as we go.”

Some couples maintain an amicable relationship regarding parenting. While this benefits their children, it can unexpectedly complicate the process of creating a comprehensive parenting plan.

Despite their impending divorce, Jeff and Amy maintain an effective co-parenting relationship. Confident in their ability to cooperate, they believe a detailed parenting schedule is unnecessary. Their approach relies on addressing childcare matters as they arise, rather than planning in advance. But unfortunately, parenting plans are about much more than just what’s happening in the here and now.

The best parenting plans need to address not only issues faced today, but also the issues divorced parents will encounter and raise in the future. Along with many other issues they might not even be aware of at the present time.

If you leave everything open, you’re going to have a lot of problems in the future.

It’s now three years after Jeff and Amy’s divorce. Initially, their co-parenting arrangement remained smooth. However, the dynamics shifted when Amy began a serious relationship with Rob. The children have grown fond of him, complicating matters further.

Rob proposes a Thanksgiving trip to Texas, where his family resides. The plan involves Amy and the children flying out Wednesday and returning Sunday. This prospect stirs unease in Jeff, who feels threatened by Amy’s evolving family situation.

Their vague parenting agreement, established during more amicable times, now proves problematic. Jeff believes he can veto the trip, citing his right to spend Thanksgiving with his children. Amy, conversely, sees no explicit prohibition in their arrangement.

Caught in this parental tug-of-war are the children, unwitting victims of their parents’ oversight in crafting a detailed custody agreement.

As you can see, determining how to create a comprehensive parenting plan isn’t always easy to figure out, let alone agree upon.

In a divorce, no issue is resolved in a vacuum. And parenting plans are no different.

Here in the United States, 47 of the 50 states factor in time sharing into the calculation of child support. Some do it explicitly like California, Illinois, and New Jersey. While others like Washington State consider it, even though it’s not that obvious when calculating the child support guidelines.

So when determining your physical custody schedule, keep in mind if one of you has a majority of the parenting time, chances are, you’ll be the one receiving financial support for the kids.

Since no two couples, divorces or parenting situations are the same, there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to fairly resolving parenting arrangements. And as you’ve been learning, less is not more when it comes to creating a sound co parenting plan.

A lot of parental conflict can be caused by leaving even the smallest detail undiscussed or undocumented. And coming to agreement on what each spouse thinks is fair and what’s best for the children can be quite tricky.

These are just some of the reasons that make parenting plans much too difficult to try to resolve on your own.

When divorce lawyers fail to negotiate a child custody agreement, the matter escalates to family court. There, a judge—bound by limited guidelines—will determine your children’s future using the vague “child’s best interest” standard.

Consider this: Are you comfortable entrusting a stranger with decisions that profoundly impact your children’s lives? What if the resulting court order feels unfair to both parties or fails to truly serve your children’s needs?

By choosing mediation, you maintain control over the decision making authority for these crucial decisions rather than delegating them to a stranger.

Mediation enables you to have a child-focused divorce.

This process empowers you as parents to:

1. Negotiate custody arrangements directly;
2. Prioritize your children’s needs;
3. Craft a future that reflects your family’s unique dynamics.

This sets a good foundation for co-parenting. And fosters agreement in other areas such as child support, alimony and property division.

Divorce with kids has many challenges. But one of them doesn’t have to be creating your parenting plan agreement.

You may no longer be husband and wife, but you’ll always be parents!