As a mom or dad preparing to start divorce mediation in New Jersey, your children are most likely your number one concern. And they should be. You love your kids and want the world for them. So now that you’re getting a divorce, how do you make sure they get the financial support they need in order to live healthy and happy lives?

That’s where NJ child support comes in.

And there’s a lot more to child support in New Jersey than you might think.

What is the purpose of child support?

Child support is one of four topics that are discussed and agreed upon in mediation along with:

The purpose of child support is to ensure that you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are meeting the financial needs of your children.

However, it is essential to understand that child support encompasses more than just financial considerations.

Many parents think the purpose of child support is to make sure they have enough money after they’re divorced to pay for the items their kids need. But that’s only partially correct.

Divorce is complicated for your children. The fighting and the stress you’re going through can really take a toll on them. Soon, you will no longer be husband and wife, but you’ll always be Mom and Dad.

Child support demonstrates to your kids that you still love them and care about their well-being.

NJ has three main principles behind its child support guidelines:

  1. Child support is a continuing obligation of both parents as the children belong to both of them; and
  2. Children are entitled to share in the current income of both parents and not simply the parent who has custody; and
  3. Children should not become the economic victims of divorce.

When it comes to New Jersey child support, it is pretty clear that you and your spouse must remain as responsible for your children financially after you’re divorced as you were while you were married.

There are a few things you need to know about the challenges of determining child support in NJ:

  • While there is a child support guideline, it only represents the minimum, it doesn’t include all the expenses required to raise a child, and it isn’t applicable in all situations.
  • While inflation has returned to more manageable levels, mortgage interest rates continue to remain elevated, making housing children even more expensive in the Garden State.
  • This topic has less to do with child support laws or payments and more to do with money, negotiation, and doing what’s in the best interest of your kids.
  • There is more than meets the eye on this issue and in the majority of cases, this subject is much too complex for you to try to resolve on your own.

That’s why you will get the best result by mediating with us.

"Most parents think the child support guidelines output a specific dollar amount and that’s that. But the reality is the guidelines are just a starting point for negotiations. Plus there are a lot of expenses not covered by the basic child support amount.

That's why the best way to come to a fair agreement and ensure your children get the financial support they need is to work with an experienced mediator like me."

Joe Dillon headshot

Joe Dillon | Divorce Mediator & Founder

The child support guidelines in New Jersey only represent the minimum.

Federal law requires all 50 states to have a standardized method for determining child support. So every state has a child support guideline and the formulas vary from state to state. Some states use a simple percentage-based formula. You’d take a share of the supporting party’s income and give it to the other party and you’re done.

But not in New Jersey.

Determining child support in NJ is a highly complex undertaking.

NJ uses something called the Income Shares Model. The income shares model attempts to take into account several factors including:

  • Your incomes;
  • The ages of your children;
  • The amount of spousal support one of you pays and receives (yes, alimony is a factor in determining child support in NJ).

Several other factors may be considered.

From there, the NJ child support guideline will attempt to approximate the minimum amount of financial support needed to raise your children in the State of New Jersey. Notice I didn’t say “formula,” I said guideline. And I didn’t say that the guidelines provide an “adequate” or “reasonable” amount of child support. I said minimum.

Please note that the state of New Jersey developed this guideline. But the state of NJ doesn’t know the exact amount required to ensure your kids are properly supported so they’ll thrive.

Only you know what it really costs to raise your kids!

So, while you might think you’re following the guideline and using the calculated number, it’s not even close. The reality is, the number isn’t a hard and fast formula, but rather, a suggestion. And it’s just a starting point for negotiation.

From there, it’s up to you and your spouse to negotiate an agreement that’s in the best interests of your children and that you both find fair.

Which is not so easy to do. Especially given the cost of living in towns like Montclair and Morristown!

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A lot is left out of the NJ child support guidelines.

So far, you’ve learned the child support NJ guidelines attempt to provide divorcing parents with an estimate of the minimum amount of financial support needed to raise their children. And then it allocates a portion of that amount to each of you based on a number of factors.

But even when you run the guideline, there are still many other children’s expenses that aren’t included.

The NJ child support guidelines factor in the following costs, among others:

  • Housing;
  • Food;
  • Clothing;
  • Transportation;
  • Entertainment;
  • Health insurance;
  • Unreimbursed health care up to and including $250 per year.

The state of NJ regards these as the “ordinary expenses” incurred while raising a child. But as a parent, you know there’s so much more involved than just feeding your kids and putting a roof over their heads!

There’s also:

  • Daycare;
  • Music lessons;
  • Dance classes;
  • Summer camps;
  • Laptops and smartphones;
  • Prom dresses and tuxes;
  • Car insurance;
  • And the list goes on and on…

All of these are known as “extraordinary” expenses and are not included in the basic child support amount. These items must be discussed and negotiated separately to ensure your children get the financial support they need and deserve.

Starting to see why determining child support is not as simple as using some free calculator you may have found on the Internet?

There are other exclusions to child support in New Jersey.

In addition to the ordinary and extraordinary costs associated with having a child, you and your spouse will also need to discuss and come to an agreement on:

  • Who deducts the children on their taxes;
  • Who will pay for their health insurance;
  • Whether you have enough life insurance to cover the children’s expenses including when they go off to college;
  • How college tuition costs will be paid for;
  • The duration child support in New Jersey payments last (because for some children, it may extend beyond age 19)

Making the list of what is not resolved by running the guidelines longer and longer.

The New Jersey child support guidelines aren’t applicable in all situations.

In order for the NJ child support guideline to be applied as-is, your income and your spouse’s income must be predictable from month-to-month and year-to-year. So if one or both of you earn more of your compensation from bonuses, commissions, or stock options, the guidelines simply won’t work.

There’s an “upper-income limit” on the guidelines.

Meaning if you and your spouse collectively earn more than a set amount per year, the guidelines also won’t work.

Another example of why it’s called a child support guideline and not a formula. In either case, you’ll have no choice but to skip the guidelines and negotiate instead. Which is not always so easy to do.

And the answer to “how long is child support paid for in New Jersey” isn’t as simple as you think.

A few years back, the Governor of NJ signed a bill into law that establishes 19 as the age when a parent’s child support and/or medical support obligation will end.

So child support ends at age 19. Right? Well… maybe…

The truth is there can be exceptions agreed upon by you and your spouse. As parents, the two of you have quite a bit of latitude to decide what works for your children, in your unique situation. So while child support can end at age 19, more often than not, it doesn’t.

When the law gets involved, it’s a problem.

There’s something you need to understand here: In a litigated divorce, a judge determines child support. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Because they’ll dictate the terms of the settlement in court and both spouses might wind up with something they don’t think is fair or that doesn’t appropriately meet the needs of their children.

That’s why it’s better to negotiate this issue out of court and that’s exactly what mediation is all about.

In mediation, you get to decide – and come to an agreement that’s in the best interest of your children and you both agree is fair, instead of letting your future be decided by a stranger.

You’ll get the best result by mediating with us.

Child support issues will vary based on your situation and circumstances. And as you’ve learned, there is more than meets the eye on this topic. So don’t risk putting your children’s financial future in jeopardy by trying to resolve child support on your own.

Use divorce mediation and work with us instead!

Using our extensive financial knowledge of the complex matters of child support in NJ, we’ll help you and your spouse determine a child support amount that accurately reflects your lives as parents and the specialized needs of your children.

One that covers all ordinary, extraordinary, and future expenses.

  • We’ll talk about who your children are, what they like to do, and what it will take to make sure they’re getting what they need and deserve. Not just what the formula says you have to pay so they can “get by.”
  • Work through specialized cases like joint custody child support in which you share in the parenting time and care of your children equally. As joint custody child support has its own unique method for determination. We’ll also explore arrangements in which the children spend a majority of their time with one parent as this, too, has its own special approach.
  • Help you negotiate any issues of disagreement and create an agreement you both find fair and equitable regarding the support of your children.
  • Make sure you and your spouse not only come to an agreement that you both find to be fair but also one that minimizes tax issues, avoids penalties, and improves cash flow whenever possible.

Because no two situations are alike.

Your children are unique and your child support agreement should reflect that, too.

Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

Guide to Divorce Mediation in New Jersey

Yes. Court-ordered mediation is ordered by a judge in a litigated divorce proceeding. So if you choose the traditional route to divorce through the court system, you’ll be obligated to attend “mediation” as part of the divorce settlement process.

New Jersey requires parties in litigation to engage in mandatory mediation which is referred to as an early settlement panel. This panel consists of three professionals, typically lawyers and mental health professionals, who will hear the facts regarding your case, and make a recommendation to the judge on what your parenting time or financial agreements should look like. It is not uncommon for the judge to accept the recommendation of the early settlement panel.

There are four significant differences between court-ordered mediation and private mediation.

First, when mediation is court-ordered, you don’t get to choose your mediator like you would with private mediation. So, you could end up with a mediator you don’t like or with whom you’re not comfortable working.

Second, the mediators on the family law court roster may be less experienced than private mediators. The only requirement to become a family court mediator in New Jersey is to take a 40-hour mediation training class. So many new mediators get their start this way and have little or no “real-world” experience.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).

In our opinion, mediation is generally more effective when conducted privately.

There is no legal requirement that you must have a divorce attorney and many people specifically choose mediation because they want to divorce without lawyers.

However, depending on their professional background and approach, some mediators do require each spouse to hire a lawyer to consult with throughout mediation.

While attorney consultation is not required in our mediation process, we fully support clients who wish to seek legal counsel for advice on New Jersey divorce law. Our focus is on empowering you to make informed decisions in whatever way works best for your situation.

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:

  • Developing a framework for your negotiations;
  • Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
  • Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
  • Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
  • And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom – and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics. Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good as-is, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related Illinois court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge as there is no waiting period in Illinois.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

While we can’t speak for all New Jersey mediators, for couples who choose to work with us, the answer is a decisive yes. We routinely handle complex divorces including long-term marriages, business ownership, sophisticated compensation structures, high-value assets, and families with special needs children.

Read case studies and learn more about who we help.

No! It is not necessary for the two of you to have everything already decided before you start mediation. In fact, many couples specifically wait for their divorce mediator to help them talk about and resolve the issues because they can’t agree on their own. This way, you can make sure things will remain amicable between you, and that all issues will be discussed thoroughly, in the proper order, and given the time and attention they require.

Mediation is a good option if:

  • You are both willing to take part in a transparent, honest, and “good faith” negotiation which includes full disclosure;
  • There is a level of mutual respect between you, and because mediation is a voluntary process, you’re both willing to actively participate and be fair and reasonable;
  • You want a skilled divorce professional to help you resolve the required issues, but you want to maintain full control over your divorce agreement and make your own decisions.

Since it takes far less time, costs far less, and preserves family relationships, mediation is almost always the preferred alternative to traditional divorce.

98% of our clients successfully resolve their divorce through mediation, so when working with us, there is a high probability/likelihood of success. But if you and your spouse don’t reach a complete agreement in mediation, there is still a constructive path forward/option.

In our experience, most “incomplete” mediations only have one or two remaining issues to resolve, not the entire divorce. You and your spouse can continue working on specific unresolved points with mediation-friendly attorneys who will help you build upon the progress already made in mediation.

Remember that choosing mediation is already a positive step toward an amicable divorce. Even if you need additional support later, the groundwork you lay during mediation often proves invaluable in reaching your final resolution.

Yes. Mediation remains an option even after litigation has begun. If both spouses agree, they can pause their court proceedings and work with a mediator to reach a settlement. While the emotional intensity of divorce litigation can make this transition challenging, many couples find that switching to mediation helps them regain control of their divorce process and work toward a more amicable resolution.

Every mediator’s process (if they have one) is different, so we can only speak to how long divorce mediation takes working with us.

Most couples complete their mediation in 3 – 5 sessions, meeting with Joe every other week. On average, divorce mediation takes 2 – 3 months. The speed of our divorce mediation process is largely within your control. Your timeline will depend on the complexities of your case, how quickly you complete the required financial work between sessions, ease in coordinating your schedules, and pace in reaching decisions.

Yes, divorce mediation is significantly less expensive than going to court. According to an article that appeared in the Motley Fool, going to court will cost a couple on average $46,600 if they can agree quickly, and are only litigating one or two issues. But (and this is important) if one of those issues is alimony or child support, those fees will more than double. With the cost of going to court ranging between $100,000 and $200,000. Even the most complex divorce mediations cost a fraction of a traditional litigated process.

The total cost of mediation varies greatly and is dependent on a number of factors including, but not limited to:

  • The experience and expertise of the mediator;
  • The thoroughness of the mediator’s process;
  • The comprehensiveness of the services the mediator provides;
  • The relationship dynamic between the parties and willingness to compromise and negotiate the issues.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for a lower hourly rate or flat-fee, but then once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by attorneys (and/or tens of thousands of dollars in the future to resolve missed issues.) Or you can work with an experienced mediator whose fee might be higher, but who delivers a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on both present and known/potential future issues, which will save you money, time and stress in the long run.

To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs

There are significant differences between these divorce options ranging from the number of professionals involved, approach, speed, cost, fairness, control, tone, and more. This article will help you understand in more detail, a comparison of mediation vs lawyers for divorce, and this article will help you understand the differences between mediation and collaborative law (also referred to as collaborative divorce), and learn the benefits we believe mediation provides.

Divorce mediation and arbitration are distinct alternative dispute resolution methods, though both help couples avoid traditional court battles. In mediation, a neutral mediator facilitates discussions between spouses to reach mutually agreeable solutions but doesn’t make decisions for them. This collaborative approach gives couples complete control over the outcome while typically saving time and money.

Arbitration, on the other hand, functions more like a private court where an arbitrator – essentially a private judge – hears both sides and makes binding decisions. While arbitration is usually faster and more confidential than court proceedings, the couple surrenders decision-making power to the arbitrator. Unlike mediation’s flexible nature, arbitration follows stricter procedures and may feel more adversarial.

While both options offer privacy and efficiency, mediation generally fosters better communication and co-parenting relationships, as couples work together to shape their future rather than having solutions imposed upon them.

Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. You may find a mediator who is an attorney and who refers to themselves as a “divorce mediation lawyer.” Some mediators are mental health professionals. Others, like Equitable Mediation’s founder, Joe Dillon, have a financial background.

There are several steps you can take to prepare for divorce mediation.

Read our post for some divorce mediation tips and a NJ divorce mediation checklist.

There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout New Jersey from the comfort of their own homes or offices.

We’ve helped client couples in cities such as: Newark, Jersey City, Lakewood, Edison, Woodbridge, Toms River, Hamilton, Trenton, Clifton, Brick, Cherry Hill, Middletown, Old Bridge, Gloucester Township, East Orange, Franklin Township, North Bergen, Vineland, Union Township, Piscataway, New Brunswick, Jackson, Wayne, Parsippany-Troy Hills, Howell, Hoboken, Plainfield, West New York, Washington Township, East Brunswick, West Orange, Evesham, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Egg Harbor, Manchester, Hackensack, Sayreville, Mount Laurel, Berkeley Heights, North Brunswick, Morristown, Hillsborough, Belle Mead, and Princeton.

Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.

Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

  • Physical and legal custody
  • Spousal support (alimony) and child support
  • Equitable distribution and community property division
  • Business ownership
  • Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

  • Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
  • Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
  • Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
  • Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
  • Spousal support and asset division mediation
  • Divorce coaching and emotional support
  • Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

  • 98% case resolution rate
  • Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
  • Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
  • Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
  • Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

  • California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
  • New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
  • Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
  • New York: NYC, Long Island
  • Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
  • Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

Related Resources

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    Alimony in California: A Divorce Mediator’s Complete Guide to Navigating Spousal Support

    Find out how alimony in California works and how you can prevent your spousal support negotiation (and divorce) from turning into a disaster!

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    New Jersey Alimony Guide: How Spousal Support is Really Calculated

    Determining alimony in NJ is very challenging. Learn what you need to know about this complex topic and how to get a fair alimony agreement.

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    New York Alimony Negotiations: a Guide to Spousal Support Settlements

    Despite the use of a formula, agreeing on New York alimony is still difficult! Find out what you need to know and how to best resolve it.