You’re at the crossroads of a divorce and the same worries keep flooding your mind:

  • “Can I afford to keep the house?”
  • “Will I be able to pay my bills?”
  • “How will I get health insurance?”
  • “Will I have enough to be able to save for my retirement?”

All of these fears are typical in divorce mediation in NJ and have one thing in common: Money. When it comes to money and divorce, there’s one topic that’s more stressful, more emotional, and more difficult to resolve than any other.

Whether you call it alimony or spousal support, coming to an agreement that will require one ex-spouse to pay money to the other to support their lifestyle is challenging, to say the least.

How does alimony work in NJ?

Alimony is one of four topics that are discussed and agreed upon by the parties in mediation along with:

It’s important to understand that alimony is strictly based on need and is gender-neutral. Meaning that both women and men can be eligible to receive it. Support is not meant to unjustly enrich one party or penalize the other. The idea is to strike a balance and allow both parties to live somewhat equally for a period of time just as they did during the marriage.

So why is alimony a thing?

Alimony is intended to aid the lower-earning spouse in making the transition from married to single.

To give them time to get back on their feet and become self-sufficient after the divorce. But what does that really mean in practical terms?

There are a few things you need to understand about the challenges of determining alimony in NJ:

  • New Jersey law is extremely vague on how to resolve this issue. The state of New Jersey provides very little in the way of guidance or formulas;
  • With the cost of housing being significantly more expensive in New Jersey than elsewhere in the US, and mortgage rates at or near a 20-year high, establishing separate households will be far more challenging for divorcing couples than in previous years;
  • This topic has less to do with alimony laws and more to do with money and negotiation;
  • There is more than meets the eye on this issue and this topic is much too complex (and emotional) for you to try to resolve on your own.

That’s why you’ll get the best result by mediating with us.

"With emotions running high and a New York maintenance calculator that allows for significant deviation by the parties and produces 'interesting' results, things can quickly go off the tracks if you involve attorneys.

That’s why it's better to work with an experienced divorce mediator like me. I’ll take you through my proven, step-by-step process and help you and your spouse negotiate and come to an agreement on alimony in NY state that's fair to both of you."

Joe Dillon headshot

Joe Dillon | Divorce Mediator & Founder

There is no such thing as a NJ alimony calculator.

When it comes to child support, there’s a mathematical formula that outputs a specific minimum amount a party should pay to support their children. And the formula is based on a series of clearly defined inputs.

But there is no such formula for calculating alimony in NJ.

New Jersey provides some general guidelines regarding alimony, but nothing explicit to help you determine a specific alimony obligation applicable to your circumstances in your case.

The New Jersey factors may include, but are not limited to:

(1) The actual need and ability of the parties to pay;

(2) The duration of the marriage or civil union;

(3) The age, physical and emotional health of the parties;

(4) The standard of living established in the marriage or civil union and the likelihood that each party can maintain a reasonably comparable standard of living, with neither party having a greater entitlement to that standard of living than the other;

(5) The earning capacities, educational levels, vocational skills, and employability of the parties;

(6) The length of absence from the job market of the party seeking maintenance payments;

(7) The parental responsibilities for the children;

(8) The time and expense necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the party seeking maintenance to find appropriate employment, the availability of the training and employment, and the opportunity for future acquisitions of capital assets and income;

(9) The history of the financial or non-financial contributions to the marriage or civil union by each party including contributions to the care and education of the children and interruption of personal careers or educational opportunities;

(10) The equitable distribution of property ordered and any payouts on equitable distribution, directly or indirectly, out of current income, to the extent this consideration is reasonable, just, and fair;

(11) The income available to either party through investment of any assets held by that party;

(12) The tax treatment and consequences to both parties of any alimony award, including the designation of all or a portion of the payment as a non-taxable payment;

(13) The nature, amount, and length of any support paid prior to the divorce being final if any; and

(14) Any other factors which the court (or parties) may deem relevant.

Even with these factors, there is little guidance on how to resolve this topic. Not one of the “factors” listed above results in an actual dollar amount or specific alimony payment.

Leaving you and your spouse no choice but to negotiate it.

Which, given the nature of divorce itself and specifically, this heated issue, is very difficult to do.

When it comes to New Jersey alimony, don’t forget about cost of living.

As if figuring out support wasn’t hard enough, there’s yet one more factor we need to add to the mix. And that’s where you live. Say your marital home was in Bridgewater, in Somerset County, and you’re the one who will be paying alimony. But your ex decides to move to Short Hills post-divorce, to be near family. So… do you pay alimony to them based on what it cost you both to live in Bridgewater while you were married? Or do you pay them based on what it will cost to live in Short Hills – recognizing it will be more expensive to live there? And given the significant inflation we’ve seen over the past few years, how, if at all, do you account for that in your alimony agreement?

Good questions…

Determining an amount of spousal support in NJ is just one piece of a larger picture.

You also need to determine the duration. And just like determining an amount, duration is not so easy to agree on.

In NJ, there is no set formula for determining how many years you need to be married to get alimony.

The answer once again is you will have to negotiate it.

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When thinking of spousal support NJ, most people think of the “check in the mail” approach.

But there are other, more creative ways to resolve this because some payor spouses just don’t like making periodic alimony payments. For example, sometimes people will trade alimony for assets in their case. Or do a lump sum alimony payment or an alimony buyout. Or pay to send a spouse back to school.

The bottom line is there’s no such thing as typical alimony payments.

And there are many different ways to resolve this issue.

Some of the types of alimony in NJ include…

1. Open durational alimony

Formerly known as permanent alimony, open durational alimony has no specific end date set at the time at which it is awarded.

Open durational alimony may be awarded in longer-term marriages of 20 years or greater where there is little if any, chance that a dependent spouse would ever be able to maintain the standard of living of the marriage. The typical open durational support case is one where one spouse has been a full-time parent and homemaker for many years. This parent may have past work experience and even a college or post-graduate education, but in the years that the individual has been at home, the other has built a career, a wage-earning capacity, and a standard of living that the homemaking dependent partner could not likely reach. Another typical case for open durational support is one in which the parties have both worked outside the home, but one has a substantially greater income.

2. Limited duration alimony

This is support that is to be paid for a certain period of time. It can be appropriate in shorter-term marriages (less than 20 years) and in marriages where there is a reasonable probability that the receiving spouse will become self-sufficient to the extent of being able to maintain the standard of living of the marriage. This type of alimony is often modifiable in amount during the term, but the term itself is usually not subject to alimony modification.

Recently, the State of New Jersey has stated that the length of alimony may not exceed the length of the marriage or civil union provided that marriage or civil union was 20 years or less in duration.

3. Rehabilitative alimony

Rehabilitative support in New Jersey is only intended to be paid for a period of time, but the duration is tied to a specific plan for the payee spouse to become financially self-sufficient. A plan to go back to school to get a high school, college, or post-graduate degree would qualify a spouse for rehabilitative support. Vocational training, technical training, or starting a business would also be circumstances to come under this concept.

The idea is to pay support to a spouse who cannot maintain the standard of living of the marriage while he or she is preparing to become self-sufficient. This kind of support often takes into account the costs of the education or training program and the inability of that individual to work or work full-time while going to school. It can be combined with permanent or limited duration alimony.

4. Reimbursement alimony

This type of alimony in New Jersey may be awarded when the circumstance is that one party supported the other through advanced education, anticipating participation in the fruits of the earning capacity generated by that education. Reimbursement support might be appropriate where one partner worked to support the other through law, medical, or business school. The state of NJ recognizes that both parties worked and contributed to the advanced degree and are entitled to benefit from it.

There is more than meets the eye when it comes to alimony NJ.

As you can see, alimony is not a one-size-fits-all topic and every couple’s situation, circumstances and determining factors are unique. So coming to a fair agreement on alimony with your soon-to-be ex requires more than just a passing conversation or a wild guess. And as you’re starting to see, there’s a lot involved in this highly complex matter.

And a lot of places you can make costly mistakes.

In the majority of cases, this issue is much too complex and emotionally charged for you to attempt to determine on your own, especially if you have a long-term marriage.

When an alimony lawyer get involved, it’s a problem.

Because there’s no formula or hard and fast alimony laws, if you go the divorce attorney route, your lawyers can drag your negotiations on for years.

Fighting and fighting. Around and around in circles – in a very gray area. All while billing you their outrageous hourly fees.

Until neither you nor your soon-to-be ex has any money left to keep paying your legal fees. And there’s no money left for alimony!

When a New Jersey family law judge gets involved, it’s a problem.

And if the issue cannot be resolved between the two of you and your lawyers, your case will go to litigation in court.

There’s something you need to understand here: In a litigated divorce, a judge determines who gets what on a case-by-case basis. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? Because they’ll dictate the terms of the settlement in court and tell you what you’re going to pay or receive.

And each of you might wind up with an alimony outcome you don’t think is fair or that doesn’t meet your needs.

That’s why it’s better to negotiate an amount and duration each spouse finds fair. And negotiation is exactly what NJ divorce mediation is all about. In mediation, you get to decide – and come to an agreement you both agree is fair, out of court – instead of letting your future be decided by a stranger.

You’ll get the best NJ alimony result by mediating with us.

Using our extensive financial knowledge of the complex matters of alimony, we’ll help you determine which of the factors apply in your situation and discuss with you both how they may impact the amount and/or duration of alimony in your New Jersey divorce.

We’ll discuss which of the four types of NJ alimony(listed below) may be appropriate in your case. Explore the feasibility of using some combination of alimony types in conjunction with child support and asset division, as all three topics are inter-connected. And actively guide you through our comprehensive budgeting process to reflect your marital as well as projected post-marital expenses, so we can take a close look together at the income each of you earns, spend, and will need to move forward.

We’ll then help you negotiate an alimony agreement you both find fair and will best enable both of you to meet your financial obligations after you’re divorced.

And since we offer flat-fee mediation services, we have no vested interest in prolonging the conflict because we don’t bill you hourly as a lawyer would.

Lay the groundwork for a peaceful divorce

Guide to Divorce Mediation in New Jersey

Yes. Court-ordered mediation is ordered by a judge in a litigated divorce proceeding. So if you choose the traditional route to divorce through the court system, you’ll be obligated to attend “mediation” as part of the divorce settlement process.

New Jersey requires parties in litigation to engage in mandatory mediation which is referred to as an early settlement panel. This panel consists of three professionals, typically lawyers and mental health professionals, who will hear the facts regarding your case, and make a recommendation to the judge on what your parenting time or financial agreements should look like. It is not uncommon for the judge to accept the recommendation of the early settlement panel.

There are four major differences between court-ordered mediation and private mediation.

First, when mediation is court-ordered, you don’t get to choose your mediator like you would with private mediation. So you could end up with a mediator you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with.

Second, the mediators on the family law court roster may be less experienced than private mediators. The only requirement to become a family court mediator in New Jersey is to take a 40-hour mediation training class. So many new mediators get their start this way and have little or no “real-world” experience.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).

In our opinion, mediation is always better when conducted privately.

There is no legal requirement that you must have a divorce attorney and many people specifically choose mediation because they want to divorce without lawyers.

However, depending on their professional background and approach, some mediators do require each spouse to hire a lawyer to consult with throughout mediation.

While attorney consultation is not required in our mediation process, we fully support clients who wish to seek legal counsel for advice on New Jersey divorce law. Our focus is on empowering you to make informed decisions in whatever way works best for your situation.

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:

  • Developing a framework for your negotiations;
  • Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
  • Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
  • Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
  • And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom – and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics. Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good as-is, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related Illinois court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge as there is no waiting period in Illinois.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

While we can’t speak for all New Jersey mediators, for couples who choose to work with us, the answer is a decisive yes. We routinely handle complex divorces including long-term marriages, business ownership, sophisticated compensation structures, high-value assets, and families with special needs children.

Read case studies and learn more about who we help.

No! It is not necessary for the two of you to have everything already decided before you start mediation. In fact, many couples specifically wait for their divorce mediator to help them talk about and resolve the issues because they can’t agree on their own. This way, you can make sure things will remain amicable between you, and that all issues will be discussed thoroughly, in the proper order, and given the time and attention they require.

Mediation is a good option if:

  • You are both willing to take part in a transparent, honest, and “good faith” negotiation which includes full disclosure;
  • There is a level of mutual respect between you, and because mediation is a voluntary process, you’re both willing to actively participate and be fair and reasonable;
  • You want a skilled divorce professional to help you resolve the required issues, but you want to maintain full control over your divorce agreement and make your own decisions.

Since it takes far less time, costs far less, and preserves family relationships, mediation is almost always the preferred alternative to traditional divorce.

98% of our clients successfully resolve their divorce through mediation, so when working with us, there is a high probability/likelihood of success. But if you and your spouse don’t reach a complete agreement in mediation, there is still a constructive path forward/option.

In our experience, most “incomplete” mediations only have one or two remaining issues to resolve, not the entire divorce. You and your spouse can continue working on specific unresolved points with mediation-friendly attorneys who will help you build upon the progress already made in mediation.

Remember that choosing mediation is already a positive step toward an amicable divorce. Even if you need additional support later, the groundwork you lay during mediation often proves invaluable in reaching your final resolution.

Yes. Mediation remains an option even after litigation has begun. If both spouses agree, they can pause their court proceedings and work with a mediator to reach a settlement. While the emotional intensity of divorce litigation can make this transition challenging, many couples find that switching to mediation helps them regain control of their divorce process and work toward a more amicable resolution.

Every mediator’s process (if they have one) is different, so we can only speak to how long divorce mediation takes working with us.

Most couples complete their mediation in 3 – 5 sessions, meeting with Joe every other week. On average, divorce mediation takes 2 – 3 months. The speed of our divorce mediation process is largely within your control. Your timeline will depend on the complexities of your case, how quickly you complete the required financial work between sessions, ease in coordinating your schedules, and pace in reaching decisions.

Yes, divorce mediation is significantly less expensive than going to court. According to an article that appeared in the Motley Fool, going to court will cost a couple on average $46,600 if they can agree quickly, and are only litigating one or two issues. But (and this is important) if one of those issues is alimony or child support, those fees will more than double. With the cost of going to court ranging between $100,000 and $200,000. Even the most complex divorce mediations cost a fraction of a traditional litigated process.

The total cost of mediation varies greatly and is dependent on a number of factors including, but not limited to:

  • The experience and expertise of the mediator;
  • The thoroughness of the mediator’s process;
  • The comprehensiveness of the services the mediator provides;
  • The relationship dynamic between the parties and willingness to compromise and negotiate the issues.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for a lower hourly rate or flat-fee, but then once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by attorneys (and/or tens of thousands of dollars in the future to resolve missed issues.) Or you can work with an experienced mediator whose fee might be higher, but who delivers a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on both present and known/potential future issues, which will save you money, time and stress in the long run.

To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs

There are significant differences between these divorce options ranging from the number of professionals involved, approach, speed, cost, fairness, control, tone, and more. This article will help you understand in more detail, a comparison of mediation vs lawyers for divorce, and this article will help you understand the differences between mediation and collaborative law (also referred to as collaborative divorce), and learn the benefits we believe mediation provides.

Divorce mediation and arbitration are distinct alternative dispute resolution methods, though both help couples avoid traditional court battles. In mediation, a neutral mediator facilitates discussions between spouses to reach mutually agreeable solutions but doesn’t make decisions for them. This collaborative approach gives couples complete control over the outcome while typically saving time and money.

Arbitration, on the other hand, functions more like a private court where an arbitrator – essentially a private judge – hears both sides and makes binding decisions. While arbitration is usually faster and more confidential than court proceedings, the couple surrenders decision-making power to the arbitrator. Unlike mediation’s flexible nature, arbitration follows stricter procedures and may feel more adversarial.

While both options offer privacy and efficiency, mediation generally fosters better communication and co-parenting relationships, as couples work together to shape their future rather than having solutions imposed upon them.

Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. You may find a mediator who is an attorney and who refers to themselves as a “divorce mediation lawyer.” Some mediators are mental health professionals. Others, like Equitable Mediation’s founder, Joe Dillon, have a financial background.

There are several steps you can take to prepare for divorce mediation.

Read our post for some divorce mediation tips and a NJ divorce mediation checklist.

There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout New Jersey from the comfort of their own homes or offices.

We’ve helped client couples in cities such as: Newark, Jersey City, Lakewood, Edison, Woodbridge, Toms River, Hamilton, Trenton, Clifton, Brick, Cherry Hill, Middletown, Old Bridge, Gloucester Township, East Orange, Franklin Township, North Bergen, Vineland, Union Township, Piscataway, New Brunswick, Jackson, Wayne, Parsippany-Troy Hills, Howell, Hoboken, Plainfield, West New York, Washington Township, East Brunswick, West Orange, Evesham, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Egg Harbor, Manchester, Hackensack, Sayreville, Mount Laurel, Berkeley Heights, North Brunswick, Morristown, Hillsborough, Belle Mead, and Princeton.

Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.

Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

  • Physical and legal custody
  • Spousal support (alimony) and child support
  • Equitable distribution and community property division
  • Business ownership
  • Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

  • Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
  • Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
  • Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
  • Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
  • Spousal support and asset division mediation
  • Divorce coaching and emotional support
  • Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

  • 98% case resolution rate
  • Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
  • Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
  • Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
  • Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

  • California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
  • New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
  • Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
  • New York: NYC, Long Island
  • Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
  • Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

Related Resources

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    Alimony in California: A Divorce Mediator’s Complete Guide to Navigating Spousal Support

    Find out how alimony in California works and how you can prevent your spousal support negotiation (and divorce) from turning into a disaster!

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    New York Alimony Negotiations: a Guide to Spousal Support Settlements

    Despite the use of a formula, agreeing on New York alimony is still difficult! Find out what you need to know and how to best resolve it.

  • Illustration of a California map overlayed with a house icon and dollar sign beside a mediator discussing spousal support options with a couple. Need clear guidance on alimony in California? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to schedule your consultation today.

    Pennsylvania Alimony Negotiation: Mediator-Proven Strategies for Agreement

    Agreeing on alimony in PA is no easy task! Learn what you need to know about this complex topic and why mediation is your best bet to resolve it.