Marital property = “ours”

Marital or shared property can include items you and/or your spouse acquired during your marriage such as:

• Your marital home or a rental property.
• Cars either of you bought during marriage.
• Money you saved or bank accounts you opened.
• Furniture you bought together.
• Retirement plans and deferred compensation from work earned while together.
• Or any other property acquired through your joint efforts.

Separate property = “yours or mine”

Separate property is considered things owned by one party before marriage or inherited during marriage. So your spouse’s separate property usually stays with them, just like your separate property stays with you, as such property is not subject to equitable distribution.

How Equitable Distribution Works in Real Life

When the courts divide marital property, they decide what’s fair. Mediation allows you and your spouse to consider what really matters to both of you when determining equitable distribution, including:

• How long you’ve been married.
• Each spouse’s future financial needs.
• How much money each person makes.
• Your individual circumstances.
• What each person needs to start their new life.
• Whether someone needs training to get a job.
• Their proximity to retirement.
• And any other factor the two of you think is relevant.

Here’s a simple example that shows why equitable distribution means something different from just splitting everything 50-50, and why working with a neutral third-party mediator helps you find truly fair solutions.

If you had a prenuptial agreement that outlines how the equitable distribution of your marital property was to take place in case you got divorced, it can make the task of assets division a bit easier. But without a prenup, your divorce or separation agreement needs to address a variety of complex property division issues that can often be overwhelming to tackle alone.

This is where having a skilled mediator to guide you step by step through the process of dividing your marital property is critical.

Let’s look at some common situations I encounter when working with clients, where reaching an equitable division of property can be difficult, and where mediation can make a huge difference.

Pre-marital home ownership

Say you owned a house for 5 years before marriage, but then your spouse moved in with you, and while together, you both paid the mortgage and fixed it up. Since you owned the home prior to getting married, you might think the house in a non-marital asset, while your spouse, who contributed to the mortgage and upkeep, thinks it should be included as one of your marital assets!

Retirement accounts

What if you and your spouse brought separate 401(k)s into marriage, kept contributing to them for 5 years while married, and then one of you stepped back from work to raise children, while the other continued to invest? What portions of each of your accounts are marital versus separate property? Or is it all marital property? And how do you handle the tax consequences when these accounts are eventually withdrawn?

When one spouse’s retirement account has grown substantially larger during marriage, you might assume splitting it equally is fair – but is it? Should you consider factors like career sacrifices, pre-marriage contributions, or future tax implications? In cases like these, what’s an “equitable” distribution of marital property is really difficult to determine!

Business owners

Or maybe one of you owned a small business that grew bigger during your marriage. Is the entirety of your business interest considered marital property? Is just the growth considered a marital asset, while the income and property currently owned by the business are considered separate assets? Or is the business considered to be comprised of only separate property assets, with nothing counting as marital?

How mediation can help

Think of dividing assets in a divorce like solving a puzzle – there’s rarely a simple “split everything down the middle” solution that feels right for both people. That’s where an expert mediator like me comes in as your guide and helper. Instead of telling you what to do, I’ll help you and your spouse have productive conversations about what matters most to each of you, and help you explore all kinds of creative possibilities, to find an arrangement that genuinely feels fair for your unique situation and future needs.

While everyone likes talking about dividing assets acquired, equitable distribution also means fairly dividing debts acquired. When working through mediation, we will help you find balanced ways to handle:

• Credit card balances.
• Car loans.
• The house mortgage.
• Student loans acquired during marriage.
• Personal loans received from friends or family member.
• And any other debt you believe to be marital.

A mediator helps you look at how the debts accumulated and the money was spent, and find fair ways for both of you to share responsibility for your marital debts.

In court, lawyers argue your positions before a judge, who then imposes a decision based on standard legal formulas and precedents. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and often leaves both parties feeling unheard and dissatisfied. Your future gets decided by someone who has never met your children, visited your home, or understood the unique dynamics of your family.

Mediation takes a fundamentally different approach. Instead of positioning you as adversaries, mediation helps you work together as problem-solvers. You’ll save significant money on legal fees, but the benefits go far beyond cost savings. The process preserves relationships – especially important when you have children and need to co-parent effectively in the future.

While divorce can feel overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate property division alone. Through mediation, I’ve helped countless couples find creative solutions that work for their unique situations. Rather than letting a court impose their rules and decisions, let me help you maintain control over your future and reach agreements that truly serve both you and your family.

Because at the end of the day equitable doesn’t mean equal—it means finding solutions that feel fair to both of you and set you up for success in your next chapter.