What is Divorce Mediation? Expert
Answers to Your Most Important
Questions

Professional portrait of mediator Joe Dillon seated at a conference table with a warm, reassuring smile, ready to guide you through an amicable divorce process. For compassionate support, call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 today.

Summary – Divorce Mediation Page

Private and Confidential Process: Divorce mediation at Equitable Mediation offers a confidential alternative to traditional divorce, handled discreetly without court intervention.
Neutral Third-Party Guidance: A professional mediator helps couples reach agreements on property division, parenting plans, and support issues in a structured, non-adversarial environment.
Avoids Costly Litigation: Mediation is a cost-effective option that helps couples avoid the emotional and financial toll of hiring attorneys and going to court.
Custom, Unbiased Agreements: Mediators guide both parties in creating fair, tailored agreements that reflect their unique family, financial, and personal circumstances.
Better for Families and Children: By fostering respectful communication and cooperation, mediation often leads to healthier, long-term co-parenting outcomes.

Divorce mediation is a collaborative, out-of-court process guided by a neutral mediator.

Unlike traditional divorce, the collaborative nature of mediation offers divorcing couples a respectful way to resolve issues, emphasizing open communication and mutual problem-solving.

With the support of a mediator, parties work together to find fair solutions, avoiding the adversarial nature of traditional court proceedings.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Does Divorce Mediation Work?

Mediation is an unregulated profession in the United States, and every mediator has their own approach. We can only speak to how divorce mediation works with us.

Strategy Session

Our mediation process starts with a strategy meeting – the first meeting between you, your spouse, and Joe, your mediator, to set goals and develop the plan for your negotiations. During this meeting, he will share what you can expect throughout the process and tips for how to get an optimal outcome. You and your spouse will each have the opportunity to voice your most pressing concerns and goals for mediation.

Joe will then work with you both to develop a tailored plan for addressing each issue throughout your negotiations, determining the most effective sequence for resolving matters regarding your children, finances, property, and future.

Having a complete financial picture allows Joe to understand your situation and create options to explore during negotiations that best serve your family’s needs. At the end of the strategy session, Joe will walk you through what financial information is needed prior to each mediation session.

Mediation Sessions

After completing your initial financial work, you’ll schedule your first session. During this and subsequent meetings as needed, Joe will help you work through and resolve all necessary aspects of your divorce including a parenting plan, child support, alimony, and division of property and debts.

He will listen to each of your wants, needs, concerns, and goals, formulate ideas, create options, and work together with you to develop fair and equitable solutions. Drawing on his financial expertise, he’ll provide guidance about the financial matters relating to your divorce so you know what your financial picture will look like moving forward.

In areas where agreement proves challenging, Joe will employ various conflict resolution techniques to help you and your spouse communicate more effectively, understand each other’s interests, and negotiate toward mutually agreeable solutions.

After each session, Joe will outline specific tasks to prepare for your next meeting – whether that’s gathering financial documents or considering options discussed. This step-by-step approach keeps the process manageable and productive. You can easily submit all documents through our secure online portal.

Drafting of the Agreement

Once all necessary issues have been resolved and your negotiations have concluded, Joe will draft a comprehensive document called a Memorandum of Understanding detailing all agreements, along with a host of other supporting documents. This paperwork will outline the terms of your divorce.

What issues can mediation resolve?

Mediation can resolve all of the issues necessary for a couple’s divorce including, but not limited to:

A parenting plan outlining parental responsibilities and time sharing arrangements for co-parenting children post-divorce. (some refer to this as custody)
Child support. (which is the financial support each parent will provide the children)
The division of marital assets and liabilities. (also referred to as either equitable distribution or community property, depending on the state where the divorce is taking place)
And how much, and for how long alimony will be paid or received. (alimony may also be referred to as either spousal support, maintenance, or spousal maintenance, depending on the state where the couple is getting a divorce)

Along with the four main issues listed above, mediation can help resolve a host of other important issues related to your unique situation or circumstances.

How long does divorce mediation take?

Every mediator’s process (if they have one) is different, so we can only speak to how long divorce mediation takes working with us.

Most couples complete their mediation in 3 – 5 sessions, meeting with Joe every other week. On average, divorce mediation takes 2 – 3 months. The speed of our divorce mediation process is largely within your control. Your timeline will depend on the complexities of your case, how quickly you complete the required financial work between sessions, ease in coordinating your schedules, and pace in reaching decisions.

How much does divorce mediation cost?

Every private mediator has their own fee structure, and divorce mediation cost and fees vary significantly based on the experience and skill level of the mediator, the scope of their mediation services and individual case complexities. They also vary from state-to-state.

Our mediation fees are tailored to each couple’s unique situation and case complexity. Even our most comprehensive packages typically cost less than what you’d spend on two attorney retainers.

How do mediation sessions take place?

Our sessions take place via Zoom. Online mediation provides a flexible, convenient and efficient dispute resolution solution. In fact, we pioneered online divorce mediation and have been successfully mediating in this format since 2011.

Do I need a lawyer for divorce mediation?

There is no legal requirement that you must have a divorce attorney, and many people specifically choose mediation because they want to divorce without a lawyer. However, depending on their professional background and approach, some mediators do require each spouse to hire a lawyer to consult with throughout mediation.

While attorney consultation is not required in our mediation process, we fully support clients who wish to seek legal counsel at any stage. Our focus is on empowering you to make informed decisions in whatever way works best for your situation.

Do we need to have everything figured out before starting mediation?

No! You do not need to have everything decided before starting mediation. The only thing you need to agree on is the decision itself to mediate your divorce. In fact, many couples specifically wait until mediation to negotiate the issues.

Divorce is a complex matter, and you may not “know what you don’t know” when it comes to the issues you need to identify, discuss and resolve in order to come to a complete agreement. By working with Joe, you can be assured that everything will be discussed thoroughly – in the proper order and given the necessary time and attention it deserves.

What if we want a legal separation instead of divorce?

Whether you are divorcing or separating, our mediation process is the same. The difference is in what you choose to do with your mediation agreement after the process is completed.

How do we start mediation?

Starting mediation with us begins with a simple first step – scheduling an initial meeting for you and your spouse. This meeting gives you a chance to share your situation, ask questions, and learn about our mediation process in a private, no-pressure setting. It also helps us understand how we can best support your unique needs.

** Available to couples whose divorce or separation will take place in California, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, or Washington State.

What are the benefits of mediation?

You and your children will benefit when you choose divorce mediation.

Mediation is more Peaceful: A mediator guides couples to attack problems, not each other – fostering respectful dialog and win-win solutions. This approach paves the way for a peaceful, amicable divorce that benefits both spouses and their children.

Fair and Equitable: One party cannot “win” at the expense of the other as resolutions must emerge from the process with a divorce settlement created and acceptable to both parties.

Less Expensive: The cost of divorce mediation is significantly less than traditional divorce litigation, the collaborative divorce process, or a court trial.

Better for Children: Children aren’t caught in the middle of a confrontational family court process or traumatic heated custody battle. Instead, parents work together to resolve the issues in a way that’s best for their family. A non-adversarial approach fosters more agreement, improved communication, better parenting plans and a better co-parenting relationship.

Better Results: Couples who mediate are more satisfied with the terms of their divorce because they were mutually agreed upon.

Dignified: Instead of the cold, traditional court process where a couple is treated like a case file or docket number, mediation is a kinder, more human process. Divorce mediation allows couples to end their marriage while maintaining self-respect and dignity.

Private and Confidential: In a private mediation session, everything is confidential. No one will know what’s being discussed except the two spouses and their mediator. Unlike a litigated divorce, where everything submitted to the family law court is part of the public record.

Divorce Faster: The pace of the process is controlled by the parties, instead of being at the mercy of a lawyer’s or a judge’s schedule.

Who pays for mediation in a divorce?

Ultimately, the payment arrangement is up to the couple to decide together. Most frequently, couples split the mediation costs equally between them, as the mediator works with both spouses together to help them reach agreements. This 50-50 split often feels fair to most people since they each benefit from the process.

Another approach is to share mediation costs in a ratio based on each spouse’s income. For instance, if one spouse earns twice as much as the other, they might pay two-thirds of the cost while the lower-earning spouse pays one-third. This income-based split can make mediation more accessible for couples with significant income differences. Occasionally, one spouse may choose to pay the entire cost of mediation, though this is less common.

Can a mediator give legal advice?

No, a mediator cannot give legal advice. Some people think if they hire a divorce mediation attorney, which is another way of saying a lawyer who practices mediation, that the “attorney-mediator” can provide legal advice.

But that is not the case. Because when they are in the role of a divorce mediator, a lawyer cannot dispense legal advice – regardless of their professional background.

Divorce mediation vs attorney: What are the differences?

There’s a lot more to these divorce methods and how they work, but here are just a few of the many differences between divorce mediation vs a lawyer.

In attorney-driven divorces, each spouse hires their own respective attorney to represent them.

The two lawyers will argue back and forth in court on issues of child custody and a parenting plan, division of property, alimony and child support. Each divorce lawyer will create strategies to fight and weaken the other party’s position in order to “win” the divorce case for their respective client – even if it’s at the detriment of the other spouse, the couple’s children or the overall health of the family unit.

Traditional divorce litigation using attorneys is adversarial, lengthy, and expensive.

In divorce mediation, both spouses work with one mediator.

The divorce mediator does not take sides and does not give legal advice – they are a neutral third party. The mediator helps both spouses communicate, negotiate directly (privately and out of court) and resolve all issues that pertain to their divorce. Couples have the opportunity to voice their individual concerns, be heard and have direct input into the terms of their divorce settlement agreement.

In mediation, there is no “win-lose” as a skilled divorce mediator helps the couple reach fair and amicable solutions that prioritize the well-being of children. Mediation is a more peaceful, less costly, confidential divorce method that takes significantly less time and produces better outcomes.

Divorce mediation vs collaborative divorce: What are the differences?

There are many differences between divorce mediation and collaborative law including cost, time to complete and approach.

The Collaborative Law Process is a hybrid between a traditional attorney-led divorce and divorce mediation.

Each party retains their own respective lawyer trained in the collaborative process to represent them. Both spouses and their respective counsel sign a contract called a “participation agreement” that states that they are all committed to using cooperative techniques rather than combative tactics to resolve custody, support, etc.

In the Collaborative Process, a series of meetings take place between both spouses and both lawyers and possibly other outside professionals such as a divorce coach or therapist, child specialist, accountants or financial planners as needed to negotiate and try to come to agreement on the issues. If agreement cannot successfully be reached on all relevant divorce issues using the Collaborative Divorce Process, the lawyers will be disqualified from representing the two parties as they continue into the litigation process.

While for some problematic cases, Collaborative Process can be worth a try before resorting to divorce litigation, but it can get very expensive and drawn-out, and there are no guarantees of success.

In the process of mediation, there are three participants working together in direct negotiations: each spouse and one mediator.

The mediator is neutral and does not represent either spouse. They help the two parties negotiate directly to resolve all required issues pertaining to their divorce. Couples have direct input into the terms of their agreement. In mediation, there is no “us against them” as the goal of mediation is to help the parties reach an agreement they are both satisfied with and that keeps their children front and center.

Mediation delivers better outcomes for divorcing couples and their kids, takes less time to complete and is less expensive than a collaborative divorce.

Learn more about divorce mediator vs collaborative law.

Can divorce mediation be binding?

During the negotiation phase of the process, mediation is not yet binding. But once all issues in your divorce are resolved and agreed upon, drafted into a proper document by a qualified professional, signed by both parties (both spouses), and approved by the courts, the agreements made will become binding in a couple’s divorce decree.

How long after mediation is divorce final?

After a couple reaches agreement on all issues in mediation, the final step is completing the formal court process to end the marriage. However, the time to finalize a divorce after mediation varies significantly by state and sometimes even by county, as each jurisdiction has its own requirements.

For example, in New Jersey, there is no waiting period. The process simply requires the couple’s filing professional to submit the court paperwork and await a court date, which typically takes 8 to 12 weeks. In contrast, California has a mandatory 6-month waiting period. This means that even after completing all required paperwork, couples must wait an additional 6 months before receiving their final judgment of divorce.

Who can use mediation for divorce?

Divorce mediation is a viable option for couples who meet all of the following criteria:

Couples who want an experienced professional to help them identify and discuss the issues while retaining full control over the decisions they will make and full control over their settlement agreement;

An experienced divorce mediator will help the parties identify the issues and present a number of possible solutions, but will not give the parties legal advice or tell either party what to do.

Couples who are willing to engage in an honest and good faith negotiation;

Mediation is a transparent process so both parties must be willing to openly disclose all relevant information, whether financial or otherwise, to the mediator and to the other party and ensure the information is accurate, complete and truthful to the best of their knowledge. If either party is hiding assets or defrauding the other, mediation should not be used.

Couples where both spouses are willing to voluntarily attend and actively participate in mediation;

If one party wants to mediate but the other does not, mediation will not be a viable option for that couple’s divorce.

Spouses who are both mentally capable of making their own decisions;

Each party must be of sound mind and have the capacity to think, reason and understand for him/herself. Learn who we help.

When is divorce mediation not recommended?

One spouse is incapacitated
Mediation centers on “self-determination” – the ability of both parties to make decisions in their own best interests. If they’re mentally incapacitated in any way, mediation will not be a viable option.

There’s domestic violence or safety concerns
If there’s a restraining order in effect, it may make mediating impossible. Or maybe there’s such a significant power imbalance that one spouse is afraid to express their true needs for fear of retribution from the other side. If a party has safety concerns, mediation will not be a viable option.

A party has concerns that assets or debts are being concealed.
Mediation is a good faith negotiation and requires transparency. So if one party is concerned the other is hiding assets or debts, or their business dealings aren’t above bar, mediation is not recommended.

One spouse refuses to participate
Because mediation is voluntary, both spouses must be willing to at least give it a try. Active participation is one of the requirements for making mediation work.

How do we choose a good divorce mediator?

Divorce mediation is an unregulated profession and there’s no such thing as a certified mediator (other than a term some mediation associations designate to their members), so it’s also critically important to hire a good mediator.

There are four characteristics of an experienced and competent mediator for divorce:

The ability to expertly guide two opposing parties through a complex negotiation and ultimately to settlement while remaining neutral at all times;
The ability to create a series of settlement options for the parties to discuss and consider based on the mediator’s involvement with a variety of other cases similar to theirs;
A command of the complex financial matters surrounding divorce;
A comprehensive knowledge of and ability to remain current on the issues that may impact a couple’s divorce agreement.

Some attorneys feel that attending law school provides them with the skills they need in order to practice mediation. But while they may have a grasp of family law matters, they may not know how to be an effective mediator or remain fully neutral. They also may not have the financial acumen required to resolve the many complex financial issues surrounding a divorce dispute.

The key is to choose a mediator who has been professionally trained, knows the issues that need resolution, is truly neutral, has mediated hundreds of cases and is skilled in resolving the complex financial matters surrounding divorce.

“When you think about divorce, legal issues might come to mind first. However, three of the four main issues that need to be resolved during divorce are actually financial in nature (with parenting being the fourth).

This is why having a mediator with strong financial expertise can be particularly valuable in reaching a well-informed, sustainable agreement.”

Photo of mediator Joe Dillon at the center of the Equitable Mediation team, all smiling and poised around a conference table ready to assist. Looking for expert, compassionate divorce support? Call Equitable Mediation at (877) 732-6682 to connect with our dedicated team today.

Joe Dillon, MBA

| Divorce Mediator & Founder

What are some tips on how to prepare for divorce mediation?

Choosing to use mediation is a great first step towards making your divorce go as smoothly as possible. But here are some additional divorce mediation tips to ensure your case stays on track:

Hire an experienced, competent, and highly skilled divorce mediator. Mediation is an unregulated profession in the United States, and the complex matters that need to be resolved require expertise that only comes with training, certifications, continuing education and years of experience in the field.
Be ready and willing to cooperate. To achieve a successful mediation, both spouses must be willing to negotiate and find a middle ground.
Avoid making financial commitments before your divorce agreement is finalized. All assets and liabilities aren’t equal in a divorce and many of the issues that need to be resolved can impact other seemingly unrelated matters. To avoid creating an agreement that could be financially favorable to only one party and not the other, it’s wise to wait until you are working with a mediator skilled in the finances of divorce.
Make a conscious choice to balance both the tactical and emotional aspects of the process and address each equally. This will enable you to complete the divorce and mediation process as quickly, confidently, and productively as possible.

More tips on preparing for divorce mediation and a divorce mediation checklist.