Divorce Mediation Services in California: Expert Guidance for a New Beginning
A peaceful path forward for you and your family.
We serve California couples and families with a better way forward through divorce.
Our mediation services provide expert guidance and support to help couples reach fair agreements and peaceful outcomes. Since 2008, we’ve offered a cost-effective alternative to traditional court proceedings that protects what matters most – your family’s well-being and future.
If you and your spouse reside in California and are ready to begin, schedule your initial meeting today.
Joe Dillon, MBA
DIVORCE MEDIATOR &
FOUNDER
Cheryl Dillon, CPC
DIVORCE COACH &
CO-FOUNDER
Joe Dillon, MBA
DIVORCE MEDIATOR &
FOUNDER
Cheryl Dillon, CPC
DIVORCE COACH &
CO-FOUNDER
What is California divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation (also referred to as family law mediation) is an alternative to a traditional California divorce. Unlike the litigation process, the parties instead work with an unbiased, neutral mediator who helps them resolve the required issues. Many people choose mediation as an alternative dispute resolution process because it’s faster, more peaceful, and less costly than the traditional divorce litigation process.
What issues can divorce mediation resolve?
Divorce mediation can resolve all issues in a couple’s divorce including parenting plan and time sharing, child support, alimony, and division of marital assets and liabilities.
What is divorce mediation and how does it work?
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Child Custody and Parenting Plans
In California, creating a thoughtful parenting plan is essential for your divorce. This plan addresses both timesharing (physical custody) and decision-making responsibilities (legal custody) for your children’s future.
For most families, we begin by discussing where children will spend nights, weekends, and holidays, then move to how you’ll make important decisions about education, religion, and medical care. Since there’s little guidance on creating effective parenting plans, an experienced mediator provides invaluable support through this process.
A skilled mediator helps you settle your divorce peacefully with your children’s best interests at heart. Remember, regardless of your feelings toward your soon-to-be-ex, you’ll be co-parents for life.
Child
Support
California uses the “income-shares” model for child support, factoring in each parent’s income and overnight timesharing to calculate baseline support amounts. This non-taxable support excludes “extraordinary expenses” like college tuition and extracurricular activities, which you’ll need to negotiate separately.
While guidelines produce identical baseline amounts across all 58 counties, this creates real challenges for families in high-cost areas like San Jose or San Diego, where living expenses can be 2.5 times the state average. In some cases, inadequate support may force relocation, complicating your parenting arrangements.
Through mediation, you and your co-parent can craft customized support arrangements that truly reflect your family’s needs—going beyond basic guidelines to create solutions that work for everyone, especially your children.
Spousal Support
(aka alimony)
In California, spousal support payments help the receiving spouse maintain their standard of living after divorce. When navigating this complex area, you’ll face three key challenges: the financial strain of maintaining two households in California’s high-cost environment, the limitations of temporary support guidelines that don’t automatically extend to final agreements, and the uncertainty of determining appropriate support duration.
These challenges make spousal support particularly well-suited for mediation. Through thoughtful negotiation with an experienced mediator, you and your spouse can craft a customized support arrangement that acknowledges both parties’ unique circumstances.
Unlike court-imposed solutions, mediation allows you to create flexible agreements that adapt to future changes while addressing immediate needs. This cooperative approach helps both spouses establish sustainable independent lives while respecting the financial realities you each face—creating solutions that serve you both better than standard formulas ever could.
Dividing Property
and Debts
The United States uses two approaches for dividing property during divorce: equitable distribution (fair but not necessarily equal) and community property (equal sharing of marital assets and debts).
While California follows community property law, you’re not locked into a rigid 50-50 split. Through mediation, you and your spouse can negotiate alternative arrangements that better serve your unique situation—as long as you both agree in writing.
A skilled mediator helps you navigate complex questions about which assets are community property, which remain separate, and which fall into both categories (like many retirement accounts). This distinction is crucial since separate property typically stays with the titled spouse.
In mediation, you gain the freedom to create thoughtful solutions that consider both your financial needs and future goals—resulting in agreements that protect your interests while avoiding the costly, one-size-fits-all approach of traditional court proceedings.
Guide to Divorce Mediation in California
Unlike other states which offer court-connected mediation programs to help couples resolve all issues related to their divorce, in California, “full cycle” mediation is only conducted privately. Couples will hire a mediator, typically before they file with the court, to help them negotiate and come to agreement on all issues surrounding their divorce.
In California, the only option to participate in court-ordered mediation is for child custody mediation. So if you and your spouse were to disagree on any financial matters such as child support, spousal support, or community property division, you’d be on your own to resolve the differences between you.
Or if you were unable – which is quite common – you would need to hire a private neutral third party mediator, or family law attorney, to help you reach an agreement. As you can see, there is a big difference in completeness between private mediation and court-connected mediation. Which is why couples who wish to mediate, do so privately.
No. Divorce mediation is not required in California, although it is encouraged. California courts only mandate mediation for child custody disputes.
If you and your spouse wish to mediate all divorce issues comprehensively, you would need to pursue private mediation.
While you certainly have the right to each hire an attorney and litigate your divorce, we’ve found that given the proven effectiveness and efficiency of mediation, many couples are instead choosing to peacefully resolve the issues surrounding their divorce by hiring a private mediator like us.
Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:
To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session.
In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:
- Developing a framework for your negotiations;
- Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
- Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
- Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
- And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.
This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.
Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.
Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom – and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe – and depends greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.
If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.
Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.
Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.
Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related California court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.
Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge typically in six to nine months as there is a six-month waiting period in California.
Some people choose to speak with a divorce lawyer throughout the mediation, or after mediation is completed. Especially if they want advice on family law matters as giving advice is not something a mediator is permitted to do – even if they are a lawyer. This is your divorce, so if you’d like to get a lawyer’s perspective on a particular issue(s), we would encourage you do so. However you are not required at any point in your divorce to work with, or speak to, an attorney if you so choose.
No. You are not required to have everything decided before starting mediation. In fact, many divorcing couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them discuss and resolve the issues. This way, they can ensure all issues will be discussed thoroughly – in the proper order and given the time and attention they require.
While we can’t speak for all California mediators, for us the answer is a resounding yes. Given our expertise working with employees or founders of equity backed startups, divorces after a long-term marriage, divorce with a business involved, and those involving high assets, complicated compensation, variable compensation and deferred compensation issues, and gray divorces, most cases we handle have a high degree of complexity.
It depends. While mediation allows divorcing couples to negotiate and come to an agreement they both find fair, communication difficulties which are typical of a high-conflict divorce, often prevent them from working directly with each other – which is a key requirement in mediation. If they’re willing to work with our divorce coach Cheryl and put their emotions aside, then yes, they can mediate. Otherwise divorce mediation is not recommended.
While both the divorce mediation and collaborative divorce process choose to focus on keeping a couple out of court, there are a significant number of ways in which they are different. That’s why we wrote this article about mediation vs the collaborative process to help you understand the differences between the two divorce options, and the advantages we believe https://www.equitablemediation.commediation provides.
Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. Some are attorneys, some are mental health professionals. While others, like Joe, have a financial background. Regardless of their backgrounds, an experienced mediator should be able to address all issues a couple faces. However in our opinion, since 3 of the 4 issues in a divorce are financial in nature, we believe it’s best to choose a mediator with a strong financial acumen.
No. A mediator cannot give you legal advice – even if they are an attorney-mediator. In their role as a neutral third party, they must not provide legal advice. If you do want or need advice a mediator may recommend you speak to a lawyer but the decision to do so is entirely up to you.
Read our helpful article to learn more about the differences between mediators and lawyers for divorce.
When exploring divorce mediation costs, many people initially focus on hourly rates or flat fees. However, the total expense involves much more than the mediator’s upfront charges.
The Experience of Your Mediator
An experienced mediator does more than simply facilitate current discussions. They strategically help you and your spouse address both present and potential future issues, creating a comprehensive agreement that can prevent costly complications down the line.
Consider this: resolving a missed issue or modifying a divorce decree after the fact can cost between $10,000 and $20,000. Ex-spouses are typically less cooperative after divorce, making post-divorce negotiations significantly more challenging and expensive. A thorough agreement developed during mediation is an investment in cost avoidance.
Services Included in Mediation
Not all mediation services are created equal. Some mediators offer comprehensive support that can ultimately save you money, including:
- Emotional support and divorce coaching
- Drafting detailed, easily understood written agreements
- Comprehensive issue resolution that minimizes the need for future legal interventions
- Flexibility regarding attorney involvement
While an inexperienced mediator might offer a lower initial fee, the long-term costs can be substantial. You might end up spending an additional $3,500 to $5,000 having agreements re-drafted by attorneys, or $10,000 to $20,000 resolving unforeseen issues.
Understanding the Total Cost
Divorce mediation in California typically ranges from $6,000 to $10,000. This includes the mediator’s fee, filing professional’s fee, and court fees. However, the true cost depends on multiple factors: the comprehensiveness of services, the mediator’s experience, and the potential for future legal interventions. When choosing a mediator, consider the value of a thorough, forward-thinking approach that can save you time, money, and stress in the long run.
To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs
Absolutely. The average cost of mediation is between $6,000 and $10,000. Whereas with divorce litigation, according to an article published in the Motley Fool, will cost couples on average $46,600 – but with one important caveat. If the issues to be litigated include alimony or child support, that amount can skyrocket. With average costs of a litigated divorce exceeding $100,000.
While the length of the process varies by couple and the complexities of their case and interpersonal dynamics, generally speaking, mediation with us can be completed in 8-12 weeks. That includes time for you to complete financial discovery, meet with the mediator for typically 2 to 4 mediation sessions, give the mediator time to draft your written agreement (MOU), and for you to have time to review it and provide feedback. Once mediation is completed, you will then enter the filing phase to complete your divorce with the California courts. It is here where the process slows down as there is a 6-month waiting period in California, so your divorce will not be final until that waiting period has passed, and your divorce has been ordered by the courts.
The mediation process is known to be a viable option for you and your spouse if:
- There is a degree of mutual respect between you and your spouse and you are both willing to actively participate – this is because mediation is a voluntary process;
- You and your spouse are both willing to engage in an honest, transparent and “good faith” negotiation including full financial disclosure;
- You want an experienced professional mediator to help you identify, discuss and negotiate the required issues, but you want to make your own decisions, retain full control over your divorce agreement, and avoid litigation and/or attorney involvement.
In order for it to work, mediation depends on three things. The first is full disclosure. Because mediation is what’s known as a “good faith negotiation” it requires that both spouses provide any and all financial documentation asked for by the mediator, or the other spouse, and truthfully answer any questions asked of them.
Second is mental acuity. Because you and your spouse will be making your own decisions, you must both be of “sound mind” and be able to understand complex concepts.
Finally, there can be no restraining order in effect. Because a mediator will typically speak with both spouses simultaneously, they must both be able to interact with each, and there can be no legal order preventing them from doing so. If you and your spouse do not meet these requirements, mediation will not work for your divorce case.
No. There is no requirement that the parties go to family court in California order to get a divorce provided the proper information is exchanged between the parties, all issues and disputes are resolved and agreed upon, and the proper paperwork such as your Marital Settlement Agreement and divorce petition is drafted and filed with family court services.
You must be a resident of the state for six (6) months, and the county you wish to file in for three (3). If you’ve recently moved, and don’t yet meet the California residency requirements, you can always begin the mediation process, work through the issues with the guidance of your mediator, and then file your divorce or legal separation. In our experience, parties can come to resolution on all issues, and have a settlement agreement in hand, within four to six months. Thus allowing time to pass, and moving the parties closer to meeting the residency requirements.
While the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, “family law mediation” is the broader of the two. For example, family law mediation may be used to help non-married California parents make decisions on, and resolve issues of child custody. In this case, since they were never married, there would be no “divorce” in the mediation process. While any topic involving the family may be brought to resolution using a mediator, could fall under its umbrella, divorce mediation refers to a specific alternative dispute resolution process focused on ending the parties’ marriage.
If you and your spouse are not permitted to be in the same room with each other, but are permitted telephone contact with each other, then our online mediation process may be an option if there is domestic violence or a power imbalance in your relationship.
There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout California from the comfort of their own homes or offices.
We’ve helped client couples in cities such as: Los Angeles, San Diego, San Jose, San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Oakland, Bakersfield, Anaheim, Santa Ana, Riverside, Stockton, Irvine, Chula Vista, Fremont, San Bernardino, Modesto, Moreno Valley, Fontana, Santa Clarita, Oxnard, Huntington Beach, Glendale, Ontario, Rancho Cucamonga, Oceanside, Santa Rosa, Garden Grove, Elk Grove, Corona, Hayward, Lancaster, Palmdale, Salinas, Sunnyvale, Pomona, Escondido, Torrance, Roseville, Pasadena, Orange, Fullerton, Visalia, Santa Clara, Concord, Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley, Victorville, and Vallejo.
Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.
Frequently Asked Questions
Mediation is an unregulated profession in the United States, and every mediator has their own approach. We can only speak to how divorce mediation works with us.
Strategy Session
Our mediation process starts with a strategy meeting – the first meeting between you, your spouse, and Joe, your mediator, to set goals and develop the plan for your negotiations. During this meeting, he will share what you can expect throughout the process and tips for how to get an optimal outcome. You and your spouse will each have the opportunity to voice your most pressing concerns and goals for mediation.
Joe will then work with you both to develop a tailored plan for addressing each issue throughout your negotiations, determining the most effective sequence for resolving matters regarding your children, finances, property, and future.
Having a complete financial picture allows Joe to understand your situation and create options to explore during negotiations that best serve your family’s needs. At the end of the strategy session, Joe will walk you through what financial information is needed prior to each mediation session.
Mediation Sessions
After completing your initial financial work, you’ll schedule your first session. During this and subsequent meetings as needed, Joe will help you work through and resolve all necessary aspects of your divorce including a parenting plan, child support, alimony, and division of property and debts.
He will listen to each of your wants, needs, concerns, and goals, formulate ideas, create options, and work together with you to develop fair and equitable solutions. Drawing on his financial expertise, he’ll provide guidance about the financial matters relating to your divorce so you know what your financial picture will look like moving forward.
In areas where agreement proves challenging, Joe will employ various conflict resolution techniques to help you and your spouse communicate more effectively, understand each other’s interests, and negotiate toward mutually agreeable solutions.
After each session, Joe will outline specific tasks to prepare for your next meeting – whether that’s gathering financial documents or considering options discussed. This step-by-step approach keeps the process manageable and productive. You can easily submit all documents through our secure online portal.
Drafting of the Agreement
Once all necessary issues have been resolved and your negotiations have concluded, Joe will draft a comprehensive document called a Memorandum of Understanding detailing all agreements, along with a host of other supporting documents. This paperwork will outline the terms of your divorce.
Mediation can resolve all of the issues necessary for a couple’s divorce including, but not limited to:
- A parenting plan outlining parental responsibilities and time sharing arrangements for co-parenting children post-divorce. (some refer to this as custody)
- Child support. (which is the financial support each parent will provide the children)
- The division of marital assets and liabilities. (also referred to as either equitable distribution or community property, depending on the state where the divorce is taking place)
- And how much, and for how long alimony will be paid or received. (alimony may also be referred to as either spousal support, maintenance, or spousal maintenance, depending on the state where the couple is getting a divorce)
Along with the four main issues listed above, mediation can help resolve a host of other important issues related to your unique situation or circumstances.
Every mediator’s process (if they have one) is different, so we can only speak to how long divorce mediation takes working with us.
Most couples complete their mediation in 3 – 5 sessions, meeting with Joe every other week. On average, divorce mediation takes 2 – 3 months. The speed of our divorce mediation process is largely within your control. Your timeline will depend on the complexities of your case, how quickly you complete the required financial work between sessions, ease in coordinating your schedules, and pace in reaching decisions.
Every private mediator has their own fee structure, and divorce mediation cost and fees vary significantly based on the experience and skill level of the mediator, the scope of their mediation services and individual case complexities. They also vary from state-to-state.
Our mediation fees are tailored to each couple’s unique situation and case complexity. Even our most comprehensive packages typically cost less than what you’d spend on two attorney retainers.
Our sessions take place via Zoom. Online mediation provides a flexible, convenient and efficient dispute resolution solution. In fact, we pioneered online divorce mediation and have been successfully mediating in this format since 2011.
There is no legal requirement that you must have a divorce attorney, and many people specifically choose mediation because they want to divorce without a lawyer. However, depending on their professional background and approach, some mediators do require each spouse to hire a lawyer to consult with throughout mediation.
While attorney consultation is not required in our mediation process, we fully support clients who wish to seek legal counsel at any stage. Our focus is on empowering you to make informed decisions in whatever way works best for your situation.
No! You do not need to have everything decided before starting mediation. The only thing you need to agree on is the decision itself to mediate your divorce. In fact, many couples specifically wait until mediation to negotiate the issues.
Divorce is a complex matter, and you may not “know what you don’t know” when it comes to the issues you need to identify, discuss and resolve in order to come to a complete agreement. By working with Joe, you can be assured that everything will be discussed thoroughly – in the proper order and given the necessary time and attention it deserves.
Whether you are divorcing or separating, our mediation process is the same. The difference is in what you choose to do with your mediation agreement after the process is completed.
Starting mediation with us begins with a simple first step – scheduling an initial meeting for you and your spouse. This meeting gives you a chance to share your situation, ask questions, and learn about our mediation process in a private, no-pressure setting. It also helps us understand how we can best support your unique needs.
** Available to couples whose divorce or separation will take place in California, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, or Washington State.
You and your children will benefit when you choose divorce mediation.
Mediation is more Peaceful: A mediator guides couples to attack problems, not each other – fostering respectful dialog and win-win solutions. This approach paves the way for a peaceful, amicable divorce that benefits both spouses and their children.
Fair and Equitable: One party cannot “win” at the expense of the other as resolutions must emerge from the process with a divorce settlement created and acceptable to both parties.
Less Expensive: The cost of divorce mediation is significantly less than traditional divorce litigation, the collaborative divorce process, or a court trial.
Better for Children: Children aren’t caught in the middle of a confrontational family court process or traumatic heated custody battle. Instead, parents work together to resolve the issues in a way that’s best for their family. A non-adversarial approach fosters more agreement, improved communication, better parenting plans and a better co-parenting relationship.
Better Results: Couples who mediate are more satisfied with the terms of their divorce because they were mutually agreed upon.
Dignified: Instead of the cold, traditional court process where a couple is treated like a case file or docket number, mediation is a kinder, more human process. Divorce mediation allows couples to end their marriage while maintaining self-respect and dignity.
Private and Confidential: In a private mediation session, everything is confidential. No one will know what’s being discussed except the two spouses and their mediator. Unlike a litigated divorce, where everything submitted to the family law court is part of the public record.
Divorce Faster: The pace of the process is controlled by the parties, instead of being at the mercy of a lawyer’s or a judge’s schedule.
Ultimately, the payment arrangement is up to the couple to decide together. Most frequently, couples split the mediation costs equally between them, as the mediator works with both spouses together to help them reach agreements. This 50-50 split often feels fair to most people since they each benefit from the process.
Another approach is to share mediation costs in a ratio based on each spouse’s income. For instance, if one spouse earns twice as much as the other, they might pay two-thirds of the cost while the lower-earning spouse pays one-third. This income-based split can make mediation more accessible for couples with significant income differences. Occasionally, one spouse may choose to pay the entire cost of mediation, though this is less common.
No, a mediator cannot give legal advice. Some people think if they hire a divorce mediation attorney, which is another way of saying a lawyer who practices mediation, that the “attorney-mediator” can provide legal advice.
But that is not the case. Because when they are in the role of a divorce mediator, a lawyer cannot dispense legal advice – regardless of their professional background.
There’s a lot more to these divorce methods and how they work, but here are just a few of the many differences between divorce mediation vs a lawyer.
In attorney-driven divorces, each spouse hires their own respective attorney to represent them.
The two lawyers will argue back and forth in court on issues of child custody and a parenting plan, division of property, alimony and child support. Each divorce lawyer will create strategies to fight and weaken the other party’s position in order to “win” the divorce case for their respective client – even if it’s at the detriment of the other spouse, the couple’s children or the overall health of the family unit.
Traditional divorce litigation using attorneys is adversarial, lengthy, and expensive.
In divorce mediation, both spouses work with one mediator.
The divorce mediator does not take sides and does not give legal advice – they are a neutral third party. The mediator helps both spouses communicate, negotiate directly (privately and out of court) and resolve all issues that pertain to their divorce. Couples have the opportunity to voice their individual concerns, be heard and have direct input into the terms of their divorce settlement agreement.
In mediation, there is no “win-lose” as a skilled divorce mediator helps the couple reach fair and amicable solutions that prioritize the well-being of children. Mediation is a more peaceful, less costly, confidential divorce method that takes significantly less time and produces better outcomes.
There are many differences between divorce mediation and collaborative law including cost, time to complete and approach.
The Collaborative Law Process is a hybrid between a traditional attorney-led divorce and divorce mediation.
Each party retains their own respective lawyer trained in the collaborative process to represent them. Both spouses and their respective counsel sign a contract called a “participation agreement” that states that they are all committed to using cooperative techniques rather than combative tactics to resolve custody, support, etc.
In the Collaborative Process, a series of meetings take place between both spouses and both lawyers and possibly other outside professionals such as a divorce coach or therapist, child specialist, accountants or financial planners as needed to negotiate and try to come to agreement on the issues. If agreement cannot successfully be reached on all relevant divorce issues using the Collaborative Divorce Process, the lawyers will be disqualified from representing the two parties as they continue into the litigation process.
While for some problematic cases, Collaborative Process can be worth a try before resorting to divorce litigation, but it can get very expensive and drawn-out, and there are no guarantees of success.
In the process of mediation, there are three participants working together in direct negotiations: each spouse and one mediator.
The mediator is neutral and does not represent either spouse. They help the two parties negotiate directly to resolve all required issues pertaining to their divorce. Couples have direct input into the terms of their agreement. In mediation, there is no “us against them” as the goal of mediation is to help the parties reach an agreement they are both satisfied with and that keeps their children front and center.
Mediation delivers better outcomes for divorcing couples and their kids, takes less time to complete and is less expensive than a collaborative divorce.
Learn more about divorce mediator vs collaborative law.
During the negotiation phase of the process, mediation is not yet binding. But once all issues in your divorce are resolved and agreed upon, drafted into a proper document by a qualified professional, signed by both parties (both spouses), and approved by the courts, the agreements made will become binding in a couple’s divorce decree.
After a couple reaches agreement on all issues in mediation, the final step is completing the formal court process to end the marriage. However, the time to finalize a divorce after mediation varies significantly by state and sometimes even by county, as each jurisdiction has its own requirements.
For example, in New Jersey, there is no waiting period. The process simply requires the couple’s filing professional to submit the court paperwork and await a court date, which typically takes 8 to 12 weeks. In contrast, California has a mandatory 6-month waiting period. This means that even after completing all required paperwork, couples must wait an additional 6 months before receiving their final judgment of divorce.
Divorce mediation is a viable option for couples who meet all of the following criteria:
- Couples who want an experienced professional to help them identify and discuss the issues while retaining full control over the decisions they will make and full control over their settlement agreement;
An experienced divorce mediator will help the parties identify the issues and present a number of possible solutions, but will not give the parties legal advice or tell either party what to do.
- Couples who are willing to engage in an honest and good faith negotiation;
Mediation is a transparent process so both parties must be willing to openly disclose all relevant information, whether financial or otherwise, to the mediator and to the other party and ensure the information is accurate, complete and truthful to the best of their knowledge. If either party is hiding assets or defrauding the other, mediation should not be used.
- Couples where both spouses are willing to voluntarily attend and actively participate in mediation;
If one party wants to mediate but the other does not, mediation will not be a viable option for that couple’s divorce.
- Spouses who are both mentally capable of making their own decisions;
Each party must be of sound mind and have the capacity to think, reason and understand for him/herself. Learn who we help.
- One spouse is incapacitated
Mediation centers on “self-determination” – the ability of both parties to make decisions in their own best interests. If they’re mentally incapacitated in any way, mediation will not be a viable option.
- There’s domestic violence or safety concerns
If there’s a restraining order in effect, it may make mediating impossible. Or maybe there’s such a significant power imbalance that one spouse is afraid to express their true needs for fear of retribution from the other side. If a party has safety concerns, mediation will not be a viable option.
- A party has concerns that assets or debts are being concealed.
Mediation is a good faith negotiation and requires transparency. So if one party is concerned the other is hiding assets or debts, or their business dealings aren’t above bar, mediation is not recommended.
- One spouse refuses to participate
Because mediation is voluntary, both spouses must be willing to at least give it a try. Active participation is one of the requirements for making mediation work.
Divorce mediation is an unregulated profession and there’s no such thing as a certified mediator (other than a term some mediation associations designate to their members), so it’s also critically important to hire a good mediator.
There are four characteristics of an experienced and competent mediator for divorce:
- The ability to expertly guide two opposing parties through a complex negotiation and ultimately to settlement while remaining neutral at all times;
- The ability to create a series of settlement options for the parties to discuss and consider based on the mediator’s involvement with a variety of other cases similar to theirs;
- A command of the complex financial matters surrounding divorce;
- A comprehensive knowledge of and ability to remain current on the issues that may impact a couple’s divorce agreement.
Some attorneys feel that attending law school provides them with the skills they need in order to practice mediation. But while they may have a grasp of family law matters, they may not know how to be an effective mediator or remain fully neutral. They also may not have the financial acumen required to resolve the many complex financial issues surrounding a divorce dispute.
The key is to choose a mediator who has been professionally trained, knows the issues that need resolution, is truly neutral, has mediated hundreds of cases and is skilled in resolving the complex financial matters surrounding divorce.
