As you know better than anyone, how long you’ve been married has little to do with how painful divorce can be. I’ve personally known couples who divorced after a very short time and spent more time fighting in court and mourning the loss of their marriage than they did actually being married.

But regardless of whether you’re emotionally devastated or knew it was only a matter of time, when it comes to getting a divorce, it’s important to define a short-term marriage for a number of reasons:

• You need to know where to draw the line between separate property/pre-marital property and debts versus marital property and debts, as only joint property is subject to equitable distribution or community property (depending on the state you live in).
• Divorce settlements could be impacted if there are certain laws or statutes in your home state that, for example, indicate how long alimony or spousal support will be paid, or if you even qualify for alimony at all.
• If you have children, chances are they are very young – and you’ll need to take extra care when negotiating your parenting plan and child support agreements.
• And you may also have other legal entanglements which form over time, such as wills or making each other beneficiaries on retirement plans.

While you would think getting a divorce after 5 years or less would be simple, getting couples to reach agreement is actually more difficult than for those married 20 years or more. Why is that, you ask?

In longer-term marriages, it’s more common that both spouses are aware that their relationship has broken down and have known this for a long time. So by the time one spouse decides to divorce, it’s not much of a surprise to the other spouse, and they are more likely to be on the same page about moving forward.

But in a short-term marriage, when one spouse announces they want a divorce, it’s often a tremendous shock to the other spouse.

Anger, disappointment, and resentment are common emotions in these situations, as well as an increased risk that divorce proceedings will become adversarial. Understanding the complexities of the issues couples in short marriages face can help you set realistic expectations for the divorce process that lies ahead.

When negotiating and dividing property in a marriage of 5 years or less, the line between separate property versus marital property becomes quite blurry – unless you have a prenuptial agreement. Because usually by the 5-year mark, if they were going to do so, spouses have fully commingled their assets and debts. But, since they’ve only been married for a relatively short period, they can easily identify what they owned and owed on the day they were legally married and may be tempted to take back what they feel is theirs.

So the question becomes: where do you draw the line for property acquired both pre- and post-marriage if you’ve commingled your assets and debts?

• Is it the day you announce you want a divorce?
• Is it the day you begin mediation?
• Is everything considered marital property because you’re now married, regardless of when it was acquired?
• Or is it all separate property because you can value what each person had prior to entering the marriage, and leave the marriage in the same position as when you entered it?

As you can see, in a short-term marriage, where to draw the line for property division isn’t such an easy task and is something best negotiated – preferably with the help of an experienced divorce mediator.

When it comes to alimony in short-term marriages, coming to agreement is equally difficult. Because alimony is meant to aid the lower-earning spouse’s transition from married to single, rather than providing long-term financial support, the duration is typically no more than the length of the marriage, and in some cases, it’s even less.

Let’s say, for example, you were getting a divorce after 3 years of marriage and you and your spouse decided to follow the guideline for duration where you live. If you lived in Illinois, you’d be looking at 7 months of alimony, and if you lived in New York City, it would be 8 months. But what if that wasn’t enough for the recipient spouse to get back on their feet?

In cases like these, mediation can be an ideal way to negotiate a duration you both find fair and that works in your unique situation. In mediation, we’d look at:

• Each person’s earning capacity and ability to remain in or re-enter the workforce.
• The standard of living established during marriage.
• The ability of one spouse to pay support.
• The other spouse’s need for support.
• Each party’s post-marital needs as outlined in their budgets.

And while each state has its own statutory factors and ways of determining alimony, in my experience, following them in marriages of 5 years or less doesn’t make sense for most couples, especially those with young children.

Couples with children who are getting a divorce after 5 years of marriage usually have very young kids, making it critically important to get through the divorce process in the most amicable and child-focused manner possible. If you don’t, the next 15-20 years you and your ex will spend co-parenting your children will be extremely unpleasant, for both you and them.

And because they’re very young, you’re going to need a parenting plan that evolves and grows as they do. So negotiating now at what milestones things will change in terms of your co-parenting arrangement is also important if you want to avoid arguments down the road.

Tied into your settlement must also be agreements on how child support will change over time. As a mediator with a financial background, I like to do something I refer to as change-of-circumstance scenario planning. It’s my own proprietary technique that helps divorcing couples negotiate and come to agreement at the time of their divorce on how changes in child support will be handled in the future as incomes change and circumstances evolve.

Ending a marriage after five years is never easy, regardless of what others might say about it being “early” in your journey together. You’ve built a life, shared dreams, and possibly started a family – and the end of that shared vision deserves to be honored and processed properly. But as we’ve explored throughout this post, you have options that can make this transition more manageable and set you up for a healthier future.

Through mediation, you can address the complex challenges we’ve discussed – from untangling commingled assets to creating flexible parenting plans and child support agreements that grow with your children.

Unlike traditional litigation, mediation provides a collaborative environment where both parties can voice their concerns and work together to find solutions that serve everyone’s interests, especially those of your children.

Remember, choosing mediation isn’t just about making the divorce process smoother – it’s about laying the foundation for your future relationship as co-parents, business partners, or simply as two people who once shared a life together.

When the three of us work together, we can:

• Create customized solutions that reflect your unique situation rather than relying on rigid court formulas.
• Preserve resources for your future and your children’s needs instead of spending them on lengthy court battles.
• Maintain control over the legal decisions that will affect your life rather than leaving them to a judge.
• Build communication skills that will serve you well in future co-parenting or post-divorce interactions.
• Process the emotional aspects of your divorce in a constructive way that promotes healing.

While this may feel like the end of one chapter, it’s also the beginning of another. Through mediation, you have the opportunity to write this new chapter thoughtfully and intentionally, creating a foundation for a future that, while different from what you originally planned, can still be filled with growth, purpose, and new possibilities.