The Ultimate
California Divorce Planning Guide (with Checklist)
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We understand that considering divorce is one of life’s most challenging crossroads. While the path ahead may feel overwhelming, having a clear plan can help you feel more grounded and prepared.
That’s why we created this guide – so you don’t have to figure out these first steps alone.
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Guide to Divorce Mediation in California
Unlike other states which offer court-connected mediation programs to help couples resolve all issues related to their divorce, in California, “full cycle” mediation is only conducted privately. Couples will hire a mediator, typically before they file with the court, to help them negotiate and come to agreement on all issues surrounding their divorce.
In California, the only option to participate in court-ordered mediation is for child custody mediation. So if you and your spouse were to disagree on any financial matters such as child support, spousal support, or community property division, you’d be on your own to resolve the differences between you.
Or if you were unable – which is quite common – you would need to hire a private neutral third party mediator, or family law attorney, to help you reach an agreement. As you can see, there is a big difference in completeness between private mediation and court-connected mediation. Which is why couples who wish to mediate, do so privately.
No. Divorce mediation is not required in California, although it is encouraged. California courts only mandate mediation for child custody disputes.
If you and your spouse wish to mediate all divorce issues comprehensively, you would need to pursue private mediation.
While you certainly have the right to each hire an attorney and litigate your divorce, we’ve found that given the proven effectiveness and efficiency of mediation, many couples are instead choosing to peacefully resolve the issues surrounding their divorce by hiring a private mediator like us.
Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:
To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session.
In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:
- Developing a framework for your negotiations;
- Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
- Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
- Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
- And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.
This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.
Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.
Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom – and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe – and depends greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.
If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.
Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.
Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.
Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related California court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.
Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge typically in six to nine months as there is a six-month waiting period in California.
Some people choose to speak with a divorce lawyer throughout the mediation, or after mediation is completed. Especially if they want advice on family law matters as giving advice is not something a mediator is permitted to do – even if they are a lawyer. This is your divorce, so if you’d like to get a lawyer’s perspective on a particular issue(s), we would encourage you do so. However you are not required at any point in your divorce to work with, or speak to, an attorney if you so choose.
No. You are not required to have everything decided before starting mediation. In fact, many divorcing couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them discuss and resolve the issues. This way, they can ensure all issues will be discussed thoroughly – in the proper order and given the time and attention they require.
While we can’t speak for all California mediators, for us the answer is a resounding yes. Given our expertise working with employees or founders of equity backed startups, divorces after a long-term marriage, divorce with a business involved, and those involving high assets, complicated compensation, variable compensation and deferred compensation issues, and gray divorces, most cases we handle have a high degree of complexity.
It depends. While mediation allows divorcing couples to negotiate and come to an agreement they both find fair, communication difficulties which are typical of a high-conflict divorce, often prevent them from working directly with each other – which is a key requirement in mediation. If they’re willing to work with our divorce coach Cheryl and put their emotions aside, then yes, they can mediate. Otherwise divorce mediation is not recommended.
While both the divorce mediation and collaborative divorce process choose to focus on keeping a couple out of court, there are a significant number of ways in which they are different. That’s why we wrote this article about mediation vs the collaborative process to help you understand the differences between the two divorce options, and the advantages we believe https://www.equitablemediation.commediation provides.
Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. Some are attorneys, some are mental health professionals. While others, like Joe, have a financial background. Regardless of their backgrounds, an experienced mediator should be able to address all issues a couple faces. However in our opinion, since 3 of the 4 issues in a divorce are financial in nature, we believe it’s best to choose a mediator with a strong financial acumen.
No. A mediator cannot give you legal advice – even if they are an attorney-mediator. In their role as a neutral third party, they must not provide legal advice. If you do want or need advice a mediator may recommend you speak to a lawyer but the decision to do so is entirely up to you.
Read our helpful article to learn more about the differences between mediators and lawyers for divorce.
When exploring divorce mediation costs, many people initially focus on hourly rates or flat fees. However, the total expense involves much more than the mediator’s upfront charges.
The Experience of Your Mediator
An experienced mediator does more than simply facilitate current discussions. They strategically help you and your spouse address both present and potential future issues, creating a comprehensive agreement that can prevent costly complications down the line.
Consider this: resolving a missed issue or modifying a divorce decree after the fact can cost between $10,000 and $20,000. Ex-spouses are typically less cooperative after divorce, making post-divorce negotiations significantly more challenging and expensive. A thorough agreement developed during mediation is an investment in cost avoidance.
Services Included in Mediation
Not all mediation services are created equal. Some mediators offer comprehensive support that can ultimately save you money, including:
- Emotional support and divorce coaching
- Drafting detailed, easily understood written agreements
- Comprehensive issue resolution that minimizes the need for future legal interventions
- Flexibility regarding attorney involvement
While an inexperienced mediator might offer a lower initial fee, the long-term costs can be substantial. You might end up spending an additional $3,500 to $5,000 having agreements re-drafted by attorneys, or $10,000 to $20,000 resolving unforeseen issues.
Understanding the Total Cost
Divorce mediation in California typically ranges from $6,000 to $10,000. This includes the mediator’s fee, filing professional’s fee, and court fees. However, the true cost depends on multiple factors: the comprehensiveness of services, the mediator’s experience, and the potential for future legal interventions. When choosing a mediator, consider the value of a thorough, forward-thinking approach that can save you time, money, and stress in the long run.
To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs
Absolutely. The average cost of mediation is between $6,000 and $10,000. Whereas with divorce litigation, according to an article published in the Motley Fool, will cost couples on average $46,600 – but with one important caveat. If the issues to be litigated include alimony or child support, that amount can skyrocket. With average costs of a litigated divorce exceeding $100,000.
While the length of the process varies by couple and the complexities of their case and interpersonal dynamics, generally speaking, mediation with us can be completed in 8-12 weeks. That includes time for you to complete financial discovery, meet with the mediator for typically 2 to 4 mediation sessions, give the mediator time to draft your written agreement (MOU), and for you to have time to review it and provide feedback. Once mediation is completed, you will then enter the filing phase to complete your divorce with the California courts. It is here where the process slows down as there is a 6-month waiting period in California, so your divorce will not be final until that waiting period has passed, and your divorce has been ordered by the courts.
The mediation process is known to be a viable option for you and your spouse if:
- There is a degree of mutual respect between you and your spouse and you are both willing to actively participate – this is because mediation is a voluntary process;
- You and your spouse are both willing to engage in an honest, transparent and “good faith” negotiation including full financial disclosure;
- You want an experienced professional mediator to help you identify, discuss and negotiate the required issues, but you want to make your own decisions, retain full control over your divorce agreement, and avoid litigation and/or attorney involvement.
In order for it to work, mediation depends on three things. The first is full disclosure. Because mediation is what’s known as a “good faith negotiation” it requires that both spouses provide any and all financial documentation asked for by the mediator, or the other spouse, and truthfully answer any questions asked of them.
Second is mental acuity. Because you and your spouse will be making your own decisions, you must both be of “sound mind” and be able to understand complex concepts.
Finally, there can be no restraining order in effect. Because a mediator will typically speak with both spouses simultaneously, they must both be able to interact with each, and there can be no legal order preventing them from doing so. If you and your spouse do not meet these requirements, mediation will not work for your divorce case.
No. There is no requirement that the parties go to family court in California order to get a divorce provided the proper information is exchanged between the parties, all issues and disputes are resolved and agreed upon, and the proper paperwork such as your Marital Settlement Agreement and divorce petition is drafted and filed with family court services.
You must be a resident of the state for six (6) months, and the county you wish to file in for three (3). If you’ve recently moved, and don’t yet meet the California residency requirements, you can always begin the mediation process, work through the issues with the guidance of your mediator, and then file your divorce or legal separation. In our experience, parties can come to resolution on all issues, and have a settlement agreement in hand, within four to six months. Thus allowing time to pass, and moving the parties closer to meeting the residency requirements.
While the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, “family law mediation” is the broader of the two. For example, family law mediation may be used to help non-married California parents make decisions on, and resolve issues of child custody. In this case, since they were never married, there would be no “divorce” in the mediation process. While any topic involving the family may be brought to resolution using a mediator, could fall under its umbrella, divorce mediation refers to a specific alternative dispute resolution process focused on ending the parties’ marriage.
If you and your spouse are not permitted to be in the same room with each other, but are permitted telephone contact with each other, then our online mediation process may be an option if there is domestic violence or a power imbalance in your relationship.
There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout California from the comfort of their own homes or offices.
We’ve helped client couples in cities such as: Los Angeles, San Diego, San Jose, San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Oakland, Bakersfield, Anaheim, Santa Ana, Riverside, Stockton, Irvine, Chula Vista, Fremont, San Bernardino, Modesto, Moreno Valley, Fontana, Santa Clarita, Oxnard, Huntington Beach, Glendale, Ontario, Rancho Cucamonga, Oceanside, Santa Rosa, Garden Grove, Elk Grove, Corona, Hayward, Lancaster, Palmdale, Salinas, Sunnyvale, Pomona, Escondido, Torrance, Roseville, Pasadena, Orange, Fullerton, Visalia, Santa Clara, Concord, Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley, Victorville, and Vallejo.
Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.
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