What is Spousal Support in California, and Do I Qualify for Alimony?
When you’re facing divorce, one of the biggest questions keeping you up at night is probably “Will I have to pay alimony?” or “Will I receive alimony?” It’s a loaded question that comes wrapped in anxiety, misconceptions, and often outdated information from well-meaning friends who “heard about someone who had a friend who…”
Let me clear up the confusion. After nearly 20 years of helping couples navigate California divorces, I can tell you that understanding spousal support doesn’t have to be complicated. But it does require letting go of some myths and understanding what alimony is actually designed to do.
What exactly is spousal support in California?
Spousal support, which many people still call alimony, is a payment made by one ex-spouse to the other ex-spouse after a divorce. Notice I said “ex-spouse to ex-spouse”—this has nothing to do with your children.
Spousal support is meant to help the lower-earning spouse transition from married life to single life over time. Think of it as a financial bridge.
During your marriage, you and your spouse likely made decisions together about careers, education, staying home with kids, or relocating for one of you to take a job.
Those decisions created an economic partnership where you shared a certain standard of living.
When that partnership dissolves, spousal support helps the lower-earning spouse adjust to their new financial reality while they work toward becoming self-supporting.

What spousal support is NOT designed to do is punish the higher-earning spouse or create a windfall for the lower-earning spouse. It’s not a penalty. It’s not revenge. And despite what your angry friend might tell you over coffee, it’s not meant to “unjustly enrich” anyone.
California looks at spousal support as a practical tool to address financial imbalances created during the marriage.
Who can receive alimony in California?
This might come as a surprise, but alimony in California is not just for women. Both men and women can receive spousal support in California. The law is gender-neutral, and I’ve helped plenty of husbands receive support from higher-earning wives.
What matters isn’t your gender – it’s the economic circumstances of your marriage and divorce.
California family law is designed to examine the financial picture of your marriage.
Who earned more? Who sacrificed career opportunities? Who has a greater earning capacity in the future?
These are the questions that matter, not whether you’re male or female.
So do you qualify for spousal support?
The simple answer is: it depends on need and ability to pay.
If there’s a significant income difference between you and your spouse, then the lower-earning spouse can often qualify for spousal support.
But notice I said “often” and not “always”—because each situation is genuinely unique.
California mediators (and if you go the lawyer route, courts) consider numerous factors when determining spousal support, and we’ll explore those in depth in other articles. But at a basic level, here’s what you need to understand: spousal support is needs-based.
This means the court (or you and your spouse in mediation) will look at what the lower-earning spouse needs to maintain a reasonable standard of living, and whether the higher-earning spouse can provide that support while still meeting their own reasonable needs.
This is where my MBA in finance and our process come in handy during mediation sessions, as we’ll need to assess both of your budgets realistically.

What are your actual monthly expenses? What income will you each have post-divorce? Can the higher-earning spouse actually afford to pay support after covering their own necessary expenses?
These aren’t just legal questions—they’re financial planning questions that require careful analysis.
Understanding temporary versus permanent support
Here’s something that might surprise you: permanent spousal support is becoming increasingly rare in California. I know that contradicts what you might have heard about “permanent alimony,” but the reality is that temporary support is far more common these days.
Temporary support is precisely what it sounds like – support paid for a limited period of time. The goal is to give the lower-earning spouse time to become self-supporting.
Maybe that means time to complete a degree, gain work experience, or retrain for a better-paying career.
The objective is to help you get back on your feet, not to create a lifetime dependency.
“Permanent” support, which really means “of indefinite duration” rather than “literally forever,” is generally reserved for longer marriages in which one spouse has significantly limited earning capacity due to age, health issues, or decades out of the workforce. In my experience, settlements are moving away from truly open-ended support obligations.
In my mediation practice, I work with couples to determine what’s actually fair based on the specific circumstances of their marriage.
How long were you married? What career sacrifices were made? What’s realistic for the supported spouse to achieve in terms of self-sufficiency?
These conversations are much more productive when you’re working cooperatively in mediation rather than having a judge who doesn’t know you make these deeply personal decisions, or two lawyers duke it out, and grind you to a settlement neither of you is happy with.
The harsh reality about making ends meet
This might be difficult to hear, but even with spousal support, you may still struggle to make ends meet after divorce. This is the economic reality of divorce that nobody wants to talk about.
When you were married, you had one household with shared expenses. After a divorce, you have two households with separate expenses. The same income that supported one home now has to stretch to cover two homes, two sets of utilities, two cable bills, two of everything.

Add in legal fees if you go the litigation route, and you can see why the math often doesn’t work out neatly.
This doesn’t mean spousal support isn’t necessary or valuable—it absolutely is. But it does mean you need to approach your divorce with realistic expectations.
Spousal support helps bridge the income gap, but it rarely maintains the same standard of living you enjoyed during the marriage. Both spouses typically need to adjust their expectations about their post-divorce lifestyle.
This is precisely why working with a mediator who understands both the financial realities and the emotional challenges of divorce is so valuable.
I can help you and your spouse look at the actual numbers, understand what’s possible, and create a support arrangement that’s fair and sustainable for both of you – without the false promises or unrealistic expectations that can derail the process.
Moving forward with clarity
Understanding what spousal support is, who qualifies, and what it’s designed to accomplish is your first step toward a fair divorce settlement. You don’t need to navigate these questions alone, and you definitely don’t need to turn your divorce into a battlefield to get answers.
In mediation, we can work through the specifics of your situation—your income, your spouse’s income, your needs, your circumstances—and develop a spousal support arrangement that makes sense for your unique family.
It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about creating a financial plan that allows both of you to move forward.
The choice of how to approach your divorce – and the question of spousal support – is yours to make.
You can choose to hire opposing attorneys and fight it out in court, spending tens of thousands of dollars and years of your life.
Or you can choose to work cooperatively with a skilled mediator like me who can help you understand California’s spousal support guidelines and reach an agreement that works for both of you.
Your divorce doesn’t have to be a disaster. And figuring out spousal support doesn’t have to be a mystery.




