The Ultimate
NY Divorce Planning Guide (with Checklist)
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We understand that considering divorce is one of life’s most challenging crossroads. While the path ahead may feel overwhelming, having a clear plan can help you feel more grounded and prepared.
That’s why we created this guide – so you don’t have to figure out these first steps alone.
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Guide to Divorce Mediation in NYC
While some states have court ordered mediation programs, in New York, mediation offered through court is typically limited to issues of custody and decision-making responsibility. On the other hand, private mediation is not strictly limited to matters of custody and decision-making responsibility.
So in NYC, divorce mediation is primarily conducted outside of a courtroom by using a private divorce mediation service like ours – typically before filing for divorce. When working with us, we’ll help you and your spouse identify, discuss, negotiate and resolve all of the necessary issues, privately, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you so choose).
Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:
Your mediation begins with a one-hour strategy session.
In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:
- Developing a framework for your negotiations;
- Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
- Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
- Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
- And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.
This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.
Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.
Joe will meet with you and your spouse online and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.
If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.
Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.
Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective divorce mediation lawyers, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.
Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related NYC court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to use to have your divorce submitted to the court with.
Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce (decree) will be granted by a judge.
The role of the mediator is to serve as a neutral third party who helps couples navigate their divorce process in a constructive and cooperative way. The mediator facilitates discussion between spouses, ensuring both parties have the opportunity to express their needs and concerns in a safe, balanced environment.
Through structured sessions, the mediator can help them reach mutually acceptable agreements on issues like property division, support, and parenting arrangements. While mediators don’t make decisions for the couple or provide legal advice, the mediator assists the parties in decision making by presenting options and helping them explore potential solutions.
Additionally, the mediator can provide referrals to other professionals, such as attorneys, financial advisors, or therapists / counselors, when specialized expertise is needed. Mediation encourages couples to work toward fair, workable agreements, that are in their mutual best interest, while minimizing conflict and preserving their ability to communicate effectively.
Lawyers are not required for a divorce. Some individuals choose to speak with a divorce lawyer during or after mediation to get legal advice. However, others specifically choose to NOT involve attorneys in their divorce. This is your divorce, so if you’d like to get an attorney’s viewpoint on a particular issue(s), you are encouraged to do so.
There is a lot to know about divorce mediation, and how it compares to other dispute resolution methods. This post will help you understand in more detail the differences between mediators vs lawyers for divorce. And this post covers the differences between mediation and collaborative divorce (also referred to as collaborative law process).
While there are many reasons why couples getting divorced should mediate, these are the three most common.
They want control over the outcome. As the mediator does not make decisions for the couples he works with, spouses are in the best position to reach a mutually agreeable settlement on their terms.
They want to remain amicable. As mediation is based on mutual respect and constructive dialog, mediation helps keep the tenor of negotiations peaceful, leading to less animosity between divorcing spouses. Which is especially important if minor children are involved, and they will be interacting as co-parents in the future.
They want to save money. While estimates vary, the average Manhattan divorce lawyer’s retainer in 2024 was $10,000 per person. And as I’m sure you can guess the retainer is not all you’ll pay. Mediation is a fraction of that.
Although mediation can help most couples, it may not be appropriate in all situations. Mediation requires both parties to participate in good faith and be willing to compromise. Cases involving domestic violence, severe power imbalances, or inability to communicate effectively might be better suited for other divorce methods.
During our initial meeting, we can help assess whether mediation is the best path forward for your specific situation.
While there are many benefits of mediating your divorce, here are the most common ones cited by our client couples.
First, mediation can make a challenging time significantly easier to navigate as when working with us, our proven process will keep your negotiations productive, conversations respectful, and your outcome fair and equitable.
Second, instead of having lawyers or a judge decide your future, you and your spouse stay in control of the important decisions that will affect your lives.
And third, everything discussed stays confidential in a mediated divorce, giving you a safe, private space to work through sensitive topics. The mediation process encourages both of you to communicate openly, which often leads to solutions that genuinely work for everyone involved.
That’s really what, in our opinion, sets mediation apart – it focuses on finding mutually beneficial arrangements that respect both of your needs and priorities. By working together instead of against each other, you can create agreements that benefit your whole family and help maintain important relationships for the road ahead, especially if you’re co-parenting.
While we’ve helped couples reach an agreement 98% of the time, even the most effective mediation may not always result in a mutually agreeable outcome to both parties.
When that happens, the next step in the divorce process is not necessarily litigation. Depending on the level of impasse between the parties, the mediator may ask each spouse to consult with an attorney and return with what they’ve learned. Or if the spouses are not being cooperative, refer to them to attorneys trained in the collaborative law process and they would work any remaining disagreements there.
The good news is any progress made in mediation is not lost and can still be used moving forward.
Divorce mediation is a voluntary process. So while we always hope couples choose to mediate their separation or divorce, in our experience, there’s usually one spouse who is familiar with mediation, and one who is not. To help your spouse, we encourage you to direct them to our comprehensive options for divorce guide and encourage them to learn more about the benefits of choosing mediation.
Yes. The mediation agreement is known as a Memorandum of Understanding (or MOU for short) and contains all of the agreements reached by a couple in mediation.
Depending on the mediator you work with, you mediation agreement may simply be an outline which will need to be rewritten by attorneys.
When working with us, you’ll receive a comprehensive and highly-detailed written agreement outlining in great detail all agreements you and your spouse reached in mediation, without the need for it to be rewritten.
While we can’t speak for all NYC mediators, for couples who choose to work with us, the answer is a decisive yes. There is no divorce in New York that is too complicated for us to handle. Given our proficiency working with couples divorcing after 20 years of marriage or more, gray divorces, cases involving children with special needs, divorces with a business involved, cases involving variable, deferred and complicated compensation issues, and high net worth divorces, most cases we handle have a great deal of complexities.
Read case studies and learn more about who we help.
Yes. Mediation isn’t only used exclusively by divorcing couples. It is also commonly used by couples who wish to negotiate and outline the terms of the separation and aren’t yet ready to pursue their final divorce. In mediation, the goal is to reach mutually beneficial outcomes, no matter whether a couple is divorcing or separating.
While some mediators work with couples who are both married as well as those already divorced, at Equitable Mediation, we only conduct post-divorce mediation for our former clients (couples who worked with us when they first got divorced.)
No. As we have no idea if your agreement is fair and equitable, or follows the process required for a New York divorce, we would not be comfortable doing so. Nor can we review your divorce settlement as we are not attorneys, and are not permitted to give advice.
With an MBA in Finance, our mediator Joe brings real financial expertise to the table, helping you navigate everything from asset division to support arrangements with confidence. And since divorces can easily get off track if you’re not careful, we’ve crafted a process that actually keeps negotiations moving forward productively, even when things feel challenging.
But we also know that divorce isn’t just about the process or numbers – it’s an emotional journey. That’s why we offer divorce coaching to support you every step of the way. And because everyone moves at their own pace, we offer unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee. No rushing, no watching the clock – just the time you need to reach lasting agreements.
Visit our Why Choose Us page to get the full picture of what we believe makes our mediation services unique.
If you still have questions, please visit our Learning Center.
There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout the New York City metropolitan area from the comfort of their own homes or offices.
We’ve helped client couples in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, New Rochelle, Mount Vernon, White Plains, Hempstead, Valley Stream, Glen Cove, Freeport, Port Washington, Great Neck, Rye, New Hyde Park, Garden City, Floral Park, Mineola, Westbury, East Rockaway, Lynbrook, Baldwin, Rockville Centre, Ossining, Tarrytown, Dobbs Ferry, Nyack, Huntington, Babylon, Islip, Port Jefferson, Patchogue, Stony Brook, Montauk, Southampton, East Hampton, Oyster Bay, Massapequa, Spring Valley, Suffern, and Mount Kisco.
Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.
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