How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation

Now that you’ve both made the difficult decision to divorce you may be wondering how to prepare for divorce mediation so that the process may go as smoothly as possible. Preparing for divorce mediation isn’t the easiest thing to do as it involves both the gathering of factual information as well as some internal work to ensure you’re emotionally ready to mediate but by examining the topic of how to prepare for divorce mediation in advance, you will save yourselves both time and money throughout the process which is the goal of everyone one of our mediations.

Preparing for divorce mediation should be broken into three distinct categories:

• emotional
• financial
• legal

How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: The Emotional

In the first phase of preparing for divorce mediation, you should ask yourself the questions that pertain to your emotional state of being. Things to consider include:

• Am I strong enough to mediate? – mediation requires you to sit in the same room as your soon to be ex-spouse so is that going to be OK for you? In preparing for divorce mediation you have to ask yourself that very difficult question and be honest with yourself. If not, the telephone mediation may be the best option in your case.
• Am I able to stand up for myself and ask for what I need and want? – certainly the mediator will help keep an eye out for power imbalances in which one party is taking advantage of the other but they are not your advocate and can’t read your mind. You need to be able to state clearly what is it you want and need as a result of this divorce.
• Do I trust my partner? – even though your marriage is over do you still think that on the whole your spouse is trustworthy and will negotiate in good faith? In order for mediation to work trust is paramount for both the parties and the mediator.

If you have any questions about these topics it’s best to speak with a divorce coach who can help you manage the emotional part of the mediation process.

How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: The Financial

A large part of preparing for divorce mediation is the gathering of a lot of pertinent financial data for the conversations regarding equitable distribution, child support and alimony. And while not a complete list, this should get you off to a good start.

• Three years of tax returns & W-2′s, K-1′s, both federal and state (for each of the states you worked in during those years). For those on commission or high earners, you should probably gather at least five years of returns.
• A month’s worth of your most recent paystubs
• All most recent bank, credit card, money market and IRA / 401k statements.
• A market valuation on your home (if you own one.)
• A copy of your mortgage statement showing balance owed and monthly payment
• A copy of the deed to your house
• Car loans, make and mileage of the automobiles you own or lease
• Copies of your most recent household bills including all utilities, groceries, maintenance, personal care, car insurance, etc.

How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: The Legal

I believe you’ve already answered this question by choosing the more peaceful, efficient and cost-effective path of mediation so the good news is you’ve already begun preparing for divorce mediation! Now as far as getting a lawyer goes I will answer the question that I am constantly asked by all of my clients and that is: “do I need an attorney when using divorce mediation?” The honest answer is that’s not a decision I can make for you as it depends on the complexity of your situation, your comfort level with your spouse and how well you are able to work together. This is something we will talk about when we meet for the first time so be sure to bring it up at our first session.

The question of how to prepare for divorce mediation is a big one but by having some foresight into what you need to do in advance will make both preparing for divorce mediation as well as the actual mediation process itself goes as smoothly as possible.