Mediation and Divorce Blog - Equitable Mediation Services

Ok, that’s it – you can't do it anymore. You’re done.

You’ve tried your hardest, but you just can’t seem to make your marriage work.

You want a divorce.

But how do you start a divorce conversation with your spouse without devastating them or triggering an all-out war?

One of the most common questions we're asked about is how to tell your spouse you want a divorce.

Well, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are a few tips for how to ask for a divorce nicely and help make an uncomfortable conversation go as smoothly as possible:

• The mediator you hire to guide you through the divorce process is just as important as the decision to use mediation itself.

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• Hiring the best and most competent mediator will make all the difference in how peaceful and cost-effective your divorce will be. And how fair, thorough and child-focused your agreement will be.

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• Here are the criteria to use when evaluating the qualifications of a mediator. And how to determine if the person you're considering is competent and best qualified to help you.

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You want a divorce.

And you want to mediate.

Which is more than I knew when my ex-husband and I made the decision to end our marriage.

We hadn't ever heard of mediation. All we knew is we wanted to get an uncontested divorce without lawyers and respectfully resolve our issues out of court. And we didn't want to go broke in the process.

A friend told me about mediation and I found a divorce mediator near me. And luckily, my divorce went quite smoothly. My now ex-husband and I completed the process in a few months and our entire divorce cost less than we would have spent on the attorney retainers alone.

But as you probably already know, making the decision to use mediation is only a small part of the divorce process.

You also need to figure out how to find a mediator for divorce who is competent and qualified.

Because the mediator you hire to guide you through the divorce process is just as important as the decision to use mediation itself.

So what are the criteria to use when evaluating the qualifications of a mediator? And what do you need to know about how to find a good divorce mediator and determine if the person you're considering is competent and best qualified to help you?

Luckily you've come to the right place because those questions and more will be answered in this post...

• Divorce after 20 years or more is a complex undertaking with a lot at stake.

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• There's very little guidance on how things should be divided and decided and both family and financial dynamics will play key roles in how you move forward.

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• Here's what you can do to understand the issues you'll be facing and plan a smart course of action to preserve wealth and minimize legal bills if you're divorcing after 20 years or more.

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If you've decided to divorce after 20 years or longer, you're probably feeling very alone. Like you're the only couple in the world facing divorce after 50.

But despite what you hear about the falling divorce rate, getting divorced after 20 years of marriage - even after 25 and 30 years for that matter, is not only common these days, but it's on the rise.

According to Bowling Green University's National Center for Family & Marriage Research, from 1990 to 2012, the divorce rate for 55 to 64-year-olds more than doubled, while the rate of divorce for the 65 and older population tripled!

There are many reasons for a divorce at midlife - also known as  gray divorce.

But regardless of why couples are choosing to divorce after staying together for so many years, it’s important to understand that divorce in a long-term marriage is markedly different and much more complicated than divorce after 10 years or less. 

Let's take a closer look at how divorcing after 20 years of marriage (or more) can impact the specific financial, emotional and parental issues you'll face as you go through your divorce.