using mediation to determine who gets what in a divorce

Equitable Distribution

Who Gets What In A Divorce? It’s Really Up To You.

You and your spouse worked hard together. You bought a house, saved for retirement, maybe even treated yourself to a new car or RV.

But now that you’re separating, you have questions about property and divorce and more specifically who gets what and the division of assets in divorce.

You want to make sure that all you worked so hard for doesn’t wind up getting wasted on legal fees. Because you know that involving lawyers in your divorce can literally leave you bankrupt.

So you’ve come here to learn about the more cost-effective divorce mediation process and how it can help you have an equitable divorce.

Mediating Equitable Distribution – The Division of Assets in Divorce

There’s a simple distinction you need to understand here:

In a litigated divorce, a judge determines who gets what.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

On the other hand, in mediation, you get to decide - and come to an agreement you both agree is fair, instead of letting your future be decided by a stranger.

If you mediate your divorce, you and your spouse get to determine the division of assets, with the help and guidance of a skilled mediator.

But the division of assets in divorce is just one piece of a larger picture.

Maybe you’ve also accumulated significant debt.

Your home may be “upside down” or you have credit card bills that have piled up over the years.

And while it’s always more encouraging to talk about the division of assets in divorce, we also need to talk about the other side of the equation, too – the division of liabilities.

At Equitable Mediation, we help you and your spouse create an agreement you both find fair and equitable concerning the division of assets in divorce as well as the liabilities.

Making sure you get an equitable divorce agreement when it comes to property and divorce.

The question of who gets what in a divorce is guided by the concept of equitable distribution, which is defined as: “the fair, but not necessarily equal, division between former spouses of property acquired during the marriage.”

With our extensive financial knowledge into the complex matters of property and divorce, we can make sure you and your spouse not only come to an agreement that you both think is fair, but also one that minimizes tax issues, avoids penalties and improves cash flow whenever possible.

The interesting part about who gets what in a divorce using mediation is that you and your spouse get to decide.

That’s right.

The two of you are empowered to select the mix of assets and liabilities each of you will receive as part of the divorce.

Maybe one of you wants to keep the house while one of you is closer to retirement and wants to keep more of the retirement assets.

Or one of you wants the car while the other will take the RV.

All of these decisions are yours to make.

Equitable Mediation gives you the perspective you need to make informed decisions regarding equitable distribution.

In our role as divorce mediators, we keep a watchful eye on the negotiations to ensure one party isn’t going to wind up at a severe economic disadvantage.

Not everyone possesses the financial expertise regarding property and divorce that we do. So we'll level the playing field if there’s a power imbalance due to a lack of understanding of financial matters.

And while the decisions are yours to make, we'll actively guide you through the decision-making process to help you both arrive at the most fair and equitable settlement possible.

Our mediator knows the laws and the numbers.

Understanding your financial history helps you have an equitable divorce.

Before we get down to the deciding, we need to discover what it is the two of you have been working to build over the years.

To begin the process of determining who gets what in a divorce, we’ll ask you and your spouse to provide us with the values of all marital assets including, but not limited to:

  • Your marital home or other real estate you’ve acquired.
  • Your checking accounts, savings accounts, money markets and CDs.
  • Any 401(k) Plans, IRAs, pensions or non-retirement investments you’ve earned while married.
  • Any privately held business should you or your spouse be self-employed.
  • Your vehicle information including automobiles, motorcycles, boats or RVs.
  • Personal furnishings, appliances and decorative items of significant value.

In addition to the division of assets in divorce, we’ll ask each party to provide the values for all marital liabilities including, but not limited to:

  • Mortgages on your property including the first mortgage as well as any home equity loans.
  • Any automobile loans either of you might have.
  • Any personal loans with friends, family members or formal institutions.
  • Your credit card statements for both individual and joint accounts.
  • Any debts owed to or notices from the IRS.

We’ll review all of these items along with copies of your tax returns, pay stubs and credit reports so that we can gain an understanding of your complete financial picture.

This enables us to help you and your spouse come to an agreement you both find fair and equitable.

Want an Equitable Divorce?

Why be forced to accept a settlement created by an attorney when you can have a direct say in your financial future instead?

If you want your divorce to be fair and equitable, mediate your divorce with Equitable Mediation.

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You want a divorce. And you want to mediate. Which is more than I knew when my ex-husband and I made the decision to end our marriage. We hadn't ever heard of mediation. All we knew is we wanted to get a divorce and we didn't want to involve attorneys. Or go broke in the process. A friend told me about mediation and luckily, my divorce...Read more


"Just wanted to say thank you for making us feel comfortable and making the mediation go smooth.

We are both doing well. Thanks again."

- A.D., Bridgewater, NJ