Collaborative Divorce vs Divorce Mediation and Litigation

If you’re like most couples contemplating a divorce in New Jersey, you probably have lots of questions about the best route to take and what your options really are. Should I hire an attorney and litigate? How about find a New Jersey divorce mediator and mediate? And just what exactly is this collaborative divorce I’ve been hearing about? With so many choices, it can be very overwhelming so we’ve put together some helpful information so that you may understand more about the major differences between litigation, collaborative divorce and divorce mediation and see for yourself that mediation truly is the smarter way to divorce.

For couples seeking a divorce in the state of New Jersey, the three options from least to most preferable are:

Litigation: The Option of Last Resort
There are dozens of reasons why litigating your divorce is not the answer and you probably don’t have the hours it would take to explain them all but the three most important ones are:

• Litigation is expensive - according to The Wall Street Journal and Forbes Magazine a litigated divorce will cost most couples anywhere from $78,000 to $180,000 or more depending on the complexity of the divorce. Money you could use to plan your retirement, buy a new home and put your children through college.
• Litigation destroys relationships – litigation creates a hostile and adversarial environment in which winning supersedes what’s best for both of you and your children. Studies have shown that children of parents who engage in hostility towards each other during their marriage and subsequent divorce do worse in school and have a harder time forming meaningful relationships in future years than children whose parents did not.
• Attorneys control your settlement – you have very little say in the process and you may or may not get what you want all while paying lots of money for the privilege. Why leave your future to a judge or attorney to decide when it’s your divorce?

Collaborative Divorce: Still Adversarial, Still Attorney-Driven and Still Expensive
Don’t let the word “collaborative” used in the name of this divorce option fool you. While better than litigating, this process is still stressful, attorney driven and may end in a result you’re not happy with. As with litigation, there are dozens of reasons not to use a collaborative divorce process but don’t take our word for it. Three of the most widely-reported concerns from actual collaborative divorce clients include:

• Collaborative Divorce is still expensive – the average collaborative divorce is $27,000 according to Forbes magazine and in some cases exceeded $55,000. If you’re going to spend that much, you might as well litigate!
• Collaborative Divorce is still adversarial – each party brings their respective attorney to every session to be their individual advocate and represent their needs and their needs only. Once again, this results in a typical “lose-lose” atmosphere focused on two attorneys arguing on behalf of their clients rather than working towards a solution that is best for both parties and their children.
• Collaborative Divorce is an “all or nothing” process – during a collaborative divorce, each of your attorneys agrees that they cannot represent you should your divorce go to trial. If you are unable to settle your differences during a collaborative divorce, you lose all progress made and have to start from scratch with a new attorney costing you even more time and money.

Mediation: The Smarter Way to Divorce
Fortunately, divorcing couples in New Jersey have an excellent alternative to litigating their divorce or using a collaborative divorce process and it’s called divorce mediation. With a 95% success rate, much lower costs and better results than the other options presented above, why would you consider anything else? Points that make divorce mediation the preferred choice are:

• Mediation is collaborative – there are no attorneys present during sessions and the parties drive the conversation, discussing together what they and their children collectively want and need.
• Mediation is focused on finding a solution – mediators don’t represent either of you but rather advocate for both of you and your children. Mediators are only concerned that you both come to an agreement that both of you decide is fair and equitable for each of you. Neither party can “win” at the expense of the other.
• Mediation is affordable – the average mediation is between $5,000 and $7,000 according to The Wall Street Journal saving you between $20,000 and $70,000 on your divorce as compared to a collaborative divorce proceeding or a litigated divorce.
• Mediation is an “iterative” process – during divorce mediation sessions, we discuss and come to agreements on each of the four main areas of divorce:
  • Parenting Plans
  • Equitable Distribution
  • Spousal Support (formerly known as Alimony)
  • Child Support

documenting progress as we go. With a 95% success rate, it’s unlikely that you won’t come to an agreement, but if in the rare instance you are unable, you can take the progress you have both made up to that point and proceed with an alternative path which will still save you time and money in the long run.

We know that once you learn more about the benefits of mediation you'll agree that it truly is the smarter way to divorce. If you have any questions about collaborative divorce, the mediation process and how divorce mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us and set up your free, no obligation consultation.