How to Prepare For and Win at Divorce Mediation

By Joseph Dillon, Divorce Mediator

Part of being an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey is a continuing education process that has me reading books and articles and staying on top of changes in divorce law in NJ that may affect your settlement or learning a new techniques to further help the clients of Equitable Mediation Services.  So when I saw a book on entitled “How to Prepare for and Win at Divorce Mediation” I just knew I had to have a look as my first reaction was “what kind of a person would write such a book?  Don’t they know you don’t win at divorce mediation?”  Thankfully the book is no longer being published and is out of stock but the description was pretty telling because even though I’ve never met the author personally, if I had to take a guess, I’d bet the farm that it was written by an attorney claiming to be a divorce mediator.  How do I know this?  Because the point of divorce mediation is not to win but rather peacefully and efficiently settle your differences in a fair and equitable manner and for that very reason alone, most attorneys do not make a good NJ divorce mediator.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when you need a strong advocate that can win something for you.  Say you get in a car accident and the other party has no insurance or you get hit on the head with a box from a large home improvement store and are out of work for a few months – that’s when you need to win.  But what does it mean to win at divorce mediation?  By getting more, have you really won?  More importantly, by taking more than you would otherwise under the premises of equitable distribution what have you lost?  Have you lost the respect of someone who you once cared for deeply and may be the co-parent of your children?  And while we’re on the subject, how about your children?  Have you taken so much that your children may view that as being selfish or a direct assault on their future well-being as they may be forced to live a lifestyle that is no longer on par with their current one?  Certainly these are rather weighty philosophical issues one must contend with but in fairness, so is divorce.  So if you’re looking to win by engaging in divorce mediation then you’ve got the process all wrong as it’s not a mediation service you seek but rather an attorney to create an adversarial environment, prolong the fight and drain your bank account in the process. But if you would like to engage the services of a NJ divorce mediator who understands that there are no winners when it comes to divorce, give me a call at (908) 864-2177 and I’d be glad to help you both get through it with as little impact to you and your family as possible.


If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services @ (908) 864-2177 or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

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Joe Dillon oversees the firm’s practice areas of mediation and divorce financial analysis, and serves clients in both Illinois and New Jersey. Joe and the team at Equitable Mediation have the capabilities to address the unique needs of the “whole” client from a legal, financial and emotional perspective through it's inter-related practice areas of divorce mediation, divorce financial analysis and divorce recovery coaching. Joe is an avid traveler and enjoys volunteering his time helping homeless animals in both Chicago, IL and Princeton, NJ. He can be reached in NJ at (908) 864-2177 or in IL at (312) 583-7436. +Joseph Dillon | G+